I Need Some Space!

I'm going to focus on finding a job and preparing for interviews and writing, so I may disappear for a while. But I'll be back, and when I return, I'll be better than ever! I thank you for understanding that I need some space, and that I don't mean to be less than generous right now.

xo

Men Without Shirts!!!

Today was the ultimate perfect best day ever! If only it were my birthday as well, I think I'd be dead now.

I woke up this morning just on time to meet someone for a tennis game at Buena Vista Park, just down the street. It was already warm out at 8:30 in the morning, and so many people were out walking their dogs. I got to the courts and sat on a rock wall while I waited for my partner, watching the other players & trying to learn how they were doing what they were doing. After about a half hour I realized that my partner wasn't about to show, so I hiked up to the top of the park, where the vistas were muy buenas, indeed! Then I headed home, dropped off my racquet, and went for a run.

I'm still a very slow runner, but these days I occasionally pass other women who are also running, and while at first the women I passed tended to be in their sixties and seventies, lately I've been running faster than women my own age, and even younger! But TODAY I passed a guy who was not only younger than me, but he looked like he was in decent shape! Woo!

After that I rode my bike through the park and up to Matty's. On Sundays, they close a chunk of the main road through the park, which makes the whole area seem like a little utopian village of cyclists, runners, and roller bladers. Which, on a hot day, it is, because you know what? HORDES OF GORGEOUS MEN JOG THROUGH WITH THEIR SHIRTS OFF! Wow!

I spent the day with Matty and B, and we had lunch outside. It was great! Then back through the park & the shirtless hot men, and home, where I have some beers in the fridge. During my ride home, when I wasn't gawking at men, I thought about the perfect ending to this perfect day and I decided to drink a beer out on my front steps. When I got home the cops were here, watching my next-door neighbors' front window (a fairly common occurrence). So my housemate and I sat on the steps with our beers and talked to one of the (very cool) cops and learned that the car parked out in front of our neighbors' had been stolen. A tow truck showed up and we waited until they managed to tow away the car, and we talked to some of our neighbors as they walked by.

Now I am pleasantly tired, so I think I'll kick back for a while and read a book and set up some more tennis games with the other people who've lately answered my ad.

I know it's worrisome, but sometimes being laid off is really great!

Oh, by the way, I just love to see people enjoying themselves without restraint.

I'm Off To Play Me Some Tennis

That's right, suckas, It's Thursday morning, which, when you're unemployed, is like any Saturday morning, except quieter. After tennis I have a phone interview, then a doctor's appointment, then I'll have a few hours to look for a job.

Matty's birthday has happened, but we're going to celebrate on Sunday. Every day in November counts as Matty's birthday.

Happy Birthday, Matty!!!!!!

Today Matty is just a little bit older than me, as he will always be, no matter how many birthdays he amasses, a sparkling pile of years that collect like grains of sand in the bottom of a very large hourglass. Still spry despite time's ravages, Matty has escaped the toll that the decades can take and I only hope that I fare just as well as he has. I've always looked up to Matty as a sort of older-mentor-spirit-guide, and given our relative ages, I suppose that I always will. In return, I have tried to be a walker for him to lean on as he journeys down the cobblestone streets of his long, long life, and someday, if I am lucky enough to reach the milepost he has reached today, I hope to reflect back on my youth and have a hearty laugh about my follies, one last ray of sun before the sun's eternal setting. Matty, I'm so glad we've been able to bridge the invisible barrier society calls the "generation gap," because you are helping me prepare for the golden years, and though for me those years lie far in the golden future, given time, I too will find that I have nearly chased down the years. Only in the chase I will be behind you, always, because as I may have mentioned, I'm still a bit younger than you are.

Happy Birthday my dear, dear, dear friend! Honestly, you are wise and wonderful and strikingly handsome! I'm so jealous that you have such a hot boyfriend, too, you skinny bitch. Here's a birthday song for you:

Yesterday

I went for an extra-long run. I passed this group of possibly homeless people (they had sleeping rolls & shopping carts). As I jogged by, one asked me something inappropriate & insulting (clue: it had to do with the fact that he's a man and I'm a woman). I ran on for about 50 feet, but the question kept ringing in my ears, and with every step I got angrier and angrier. I mean, I've done this so many times — we've all done this, we women. We get somewhat accustomed to being insulted, and we just take it, and by doing so we allow men to think that it's their right to treat us like we're lesser human beings. But you know, it's not right! So I turned around and ran back.

There were about seven of them, some sitting on this bench, others hanging out on or next to the path. I asked who had spoken to me as I ran by, and a man who was about my age said that he did. I told him that I'd simply come to the park to go for a run, and I reminded him that I hadn't done anything to him and that his comment had been incredibly rude and disrespectful. The woman sitting next to him agreed with me, and he apologized.

My shrink tells me that I should think about other peoples' situations before I jump to conclusions and get too angry. So okay, I understand that when a man is perhaps jobless and feeling disenfranchised, when a man is sitting safely with a group of his peers to back him up, then it probably feels like a win-win to say something disrespectful to a woman running all by herself in the park. Maybe I look like a person who has a job, and I'm sure that because of my appearance and bearing, I'm more likely to get one than someone who's had to spend his nights sleeping in the park & hasn't had access to a shower, say. Perhaps by running by I was subtly projecting this air of superiority, this "look-at-me,-I'm-taking-care-of-myself" kind of thing. Maybe by doing something for myself, I come across as smug.

But you know what? I honestly don't give a fuck about all that. I found this man's behavior cowardly, no matter what the context. I explained to him that he could express sorrow, but that there was no excuse for what he'd said to me. Then I resumed my run.

Last night, the ex-boyfriend showed up at work. He seemed to be on an even keel, and it was nice to see him. I told him that he could send me postcards, but he was NOT to come visit me at my home. He advised me to move back to Washington State because if things continue to go downhill, my family might be able to help me out. But the thought of it makes me feel like I'm dying inside, just a little bit.

And today, I'm doing all that I can to NOT sink into a horrible depression. When I get down, my energy level starts to wane. But I figure that if I push myself every day, it'll start coming more naturally. On Thursday morning I'm to meet someone for a game of tennis, and I want to get some practice in before then, since, to be honest, I don't know how to play. So after I post this, I'm going off to see if I can't find a cheap tennis racket, then I'll go for a run, then I'll apply for some jobs.

After my next physical examination, I've decided to let my health insurance lapse. I'll be caught up with all the basics, and providing everything checks out all right, I think I'll luck it for a while. From now on, my monthly health insurance payments are going for groceries.

Okay, on with my day.

Balls! Big, Hairy, Sweaty Balls!

I was this close -> <- to landing a job at Stanford University Press. . . I'd been through three interviews, and though they gave me that depressing story about me being "overqualified," I think I managed to convince them that though I'm super educated and though I can write, that doesn't make me overqualified to publicize books. I was told that I was one of the top candidates and that I'd be getting a call Thursday night with the final answer. It wasn't until late this (Friday) afternoon that I got an email explaining that Stanford has instituted a temporary hiring freeze and the position for which I'd applied is no longer available.

Argh!

All this after I spent the day waiting for the phone to ring and watching Peep Show (which you should check out on youtube, if you feel like it, because it's really excellent!). Anyway, yeah, I spent the day watching this show and waiting for the phone to ring like some kind of desperate middle-aged sad sack, and I didn't go running or write anything, which made me feel even worse about myself, and then I got the news that even Stanford is shutting down, which made me think that I better just take whatever job I can get, because the economy is going down the tubes and we're headed for the next depression?

Maybe if I send out resumes that don't mention my degree, my teaching experience, my work as a professional writer, that bit where I was Assistant Director of a university writing center, or even my previous experience as a publicist, maybe then I'll be offered something.

Oy veh.

I'm trying really hard to remain optimistic, but it isn't easy. I know it's supposed to be "flattering" to be told I'm overqualified, but right now, I just want a job! And it's NOT flattering to be told that I'm too good of a writer, because you know what? Writing is really fun and interesting, but I will never, ever make a living doing it. So there. It's just a neat kind of skill that I've developed over the years. That is ALL.

Anyway, I baked two pies and a cake for happypresidentobamaday (i.e. I can bake stuff),


















and if you're a fan of large calves, then I'm still fairly good-looking, sort of, maybe, somewhat, for an average person.


so I have those two things going for me, I guess. Oh, and finally, I fixed our toilet, so I'm handy, too.

Really, though, is there a bright side? Is there? Is there?!?

Oh, here's this ad I recently posted on Craig's list. Do I sound weird?