Back To The World
Today (Friday) I'm sad. Gina is leaving.
On Wednesday Gina and I made dinner for a gathering that included just a few of my favorite people. I wondered what it would be like to have them all around me at once. I guess at this point I'm creating a family in whatever way I can, if I can, and some of my friends live far away. But sometimes my heart feels like it could contain the ocean, there's so much room left in it. I wish JCP could have been there.
The next day we — the lovely Gina and I — went to the hardware store to get a watering can and some sunflower seeds. The guy who helped us was very cute in his short green apron. He seemed confused about why we'd want a watering can (???!), but then he sorted it out & took us to the back of the store, where there was a little nursery. Next to the watering cans we found a basket of yellow flowers. It's hanging in my window, right now.
Have you ever worn a ring for a while and then taken it off & felt its absence? It's Friday - damn! - and Gina's going, and what's missing right now is me. Which is my purpose here, in this house full of windows and rooms and greenery. I'm refilling, and refilling is painful. Back to the bookstore, back to reading, back to unpacking, back to cooking, back to listening to music, back to the world.
Gina and I are about to go to Golden Gate park for one last walk. I'll try not to cry, because man, I had a great week!