This blog is welcome to anyone and everyone, regardless of race, class, gender, sexual orientation, or political affiliation. Unless you don't like writing short stories or smelling bear. Or if you voted for the other guy. Also, I don't really like it when you leave up the toilet seat, so could you stop doing that? Muchas, muchas gracias.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

A Life Less Interesting

This year, I made a huge and perhaps irrevocable decision to study medicine. I did this because for too long I've felt that my identity has been up for grabs, so now, for the first time in my life, I mean to choose something, and to pursue it, and to stop acting as though my identity is so precious and fragile and unique that I can't just decide on some path and then follow it.

It hasn't been easy. Now that I am studying math and anatomy and physiology and chemistry, subjects that interest me mostly to the extent I'm able to master them, I don't have the means to pursue spiritual discovery, make art, travel, or read stories and novels. And while I know that I will never truly lose my desire to follow such pursuits, I worry that such pursuits will atrophy in me.

I am sitting in a cafe right now, where I will study for my math exam. I will review formulas, and the definitions of real numbers, and the rules of factorization - all the stuff that back in high school I remembered for as long as it took me to complete my homework assignments and then promptly forgot, usually right before the exam. I just wasn't interested in math and science.

Which is very shortsighted of me, because I figure that when and if I get the chance to practice medicine, all those numbers and chemical reactions and action potentials will be in the background of my mind as I consider the person who's right there in front of me, trying to express how they are sick, and my job will be to discover why.


Blogger ginab said...

Your pal here understands what it means to pursue courses while working full time at a demanding career, and then at the end of a semester I sense I will be able to read what I choose, such as a novel, such as short stories, such as poems all of which I hope extend the summer as I know I might then sign up for another course. Not sure which or what, however. So, unlike you I have made no decision. You are strong and so intelligent that I admire your direction. I share here with you the open window to read when a break comes around.

nice to see you here, by the way.

see you in June for a spa!

8:38 PM

Blogger Ingrid said...

I know you understand! And yes, I will see you in June. Yay!

6:47 AM

Blogger purplesimon said...

You're back! Hurrah.

I so understand almost this exact feeling. And while I know you know you're not alone feeling like this, it's so worth it to pursue something you really want. You won't lose your other skills and loves, but perhaps they will manifest in other ways?

And so lovely to see a comment from ginab. Lost touch.

I miss the days when... oh, nostalgia!

Good luck with the studies. xx

2:01 PM


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