Back To The World

Today (Friday) I'm sad. Gina is leaving.

On Wednesday Gina and I made dinner for a gathering that included just a few of my favorite people. I wondered what it would be like to have them all around me at once. I guess at this point I'm creating a family in whatever way I can, if I can, and some of my friends live far away. But sometimes my heart feels like it could contain the ocean, there's so much room left in it. I wish JCP could have been there.

The next day we — the lovely Gina and I — went to the hardware store to get a watering can and some sunflower seeds. The guy who helped us was very cute in his short green apron. He seemed confused about why we'd want a watering can (???!), but then he sorted it out & took us to the back of the store, where there was a little nursery. Next to the watering cans we found a basket of yellow flowers. It's hanging in my window, right now.



Have you ever worn a ring for a while and then taken it off & felt its absence? It's Friday - damn! - and Gina's going, and what's missing right now is me. Which is my purpose here, in this house full of windows and rooms and greenery. I'm refilling, and refilling is painful. Back to the bookstore, back to reading, back to unpacking, back to cooking, back to listening to music, back to the world.



Gina and I are about to go to Golden Gate park for one last walk. I'll try not to cry, because man, I had a great week!

Briefly,

because I am plumb worn out, and very distracted: there are so many great little shops in my neighborhood, independent businesses owned by extremely nice people who know everything about the Haight. This weekend I've had a number of lovely conversations with complete strangers. Gina is here, and she, my roommates, Matty and B, and my quietest friend down in Berkeley - everyone's been so lovely to me. Dearest sweetest Gina just brought me a glass of water, for instance, and sometimes a glass of water is the kindest thing a person can do. I don't know how I managed to accumulate such good people.

Gina's plane landed Friday night, and after a harrowing cab ride we spent the evening wandering my new neighborhood. I am almost as lost here as she is, though Gina has a natural compass that I just don't.

Saturday morning we woke at 5:30 because my new neighbors like to party underneath my window. After lying there for hours we rolled out of bed, and off I went to work at the bookstore while Gina read Tennessee Williams at a coffee shop. After work, I waited while Gina got a long massage. In the waiting room I petted an old terrier, then I found a comic book on the magazine rack - it was written (I realized) by an old coworker who now lives in Seattle. Afterwards Gina and I rode the bus home to make sandwiches, and suddenly, it was late. Then we jetted off to the Tenderloin for a very entertaining book release party, and after that, off to another party where the side table was piled with ten kinds of cheeses and five different peanut brittles and we wrote poetry on butcher paper. My friend T was resplendent in a fringed dress, and my other roommate, S, drove us hither and nigh in his biodiesel VW.

Early Sunday morning one of the neighbors' creepish pit bulls escaped and we woke early to whistling and screaming. We slept in fits and starts, then Matty and his neighbor drove over and picked us up. It's a very good thing B keeps his brakes in shape. Eeek! We saw Matty's CUTE new place, and then we walked just a few blocks to the beach. I realized that Matty lives near this restaurant called the Cliff House, meaning it's just a short bike ride away. I am overjoyed to report that Matty's in a lovely place now.

I should run. I'm being a rude host.

WOW!

Lately, my life has been the best life ever! I don't envy anyone. Not one person. I'm not an envious person in the first place, but things are going so well, I can hardly believe it.

Yes, I know this could change at any moment. But I hope my days and nights keep going this way for just a while longer.

Of course, I haven't unpacked a thing and I don't have any idea where my socks are.

I got everything moved in this Sunday, and I had lots of help, and at the end of the day it turned out to be the most pleasant move possible. And my new roommates are so nice! Last night, instead of unpacking, I wound up going to a show with them. Tonight we had dinner together, and ice cream!

It's beautiful outside, and starting Saturday I have an entire week off, and my best (straight) friend is visiting!

I better get to work. I need to find a towel!

I'm So Happy

right now, and I think things are starting to look up. Whew! Finally!

I had this dream the other night (I've dreamed it before), and I'm pretty sure it's a good-luck dream. In it, I have a baby. Which I don't think is something I've ever really wanted, but in the dream I feel so great. Sometimes I can't tell whether it's human or whether it's a kitten. Either way I gave birth to it, and I am fulfilled.

I've been looking around me and finding the good. At work, for instance, out behind the building I discovered a trail that runs alongside a creek. Lining the trail are all kinds of fragrant sages and fruiting trees. Cherries, apricots, figs, and apples. I love it back there, and it's nice to step out in the afternoon to watch the birds and the squirrels.

Things are changing, and I'm considering taking a third job at Yoga Garden, two hours a week, in exchange for two weekly classes. But I don't know. . . I'm pretty busy as it is, and I need to leave some free time to write stories and read books. That's the main thing. I can always pop in for the occasional yoga or rock-climbing class.



I feel like baking a pie. But I still have lots of work to do. Tomorrow is my employee evaluation. Wish me luck.

Man, I'm Tired

of packing. I'm soooooo close! My apartment is full of boxes, coat hangers, dust bunnies, and papers. The moving truck shows up on Sunday, and I have yet to call the power company and my DSL provider and my parents back in Washington.

I spent Saturday night at the new place with T, who's going to be a first-rate housemate. She made noodles. Yum. The other housemate, S, is sweet and considerate and adult. I think it's all going to work out.

Once this weekend is over I'll be unpacking and looking forward to ginab's visit and a whole week off from work. Soon, I'll be taking improv, riding my bike over to Matty's for the occasional visit, and spending some time in Golden Gate Park (it'll be just blocks away) and cooking in a real kitchen with a real table and chairs. Soon, I'll find a desk and start working on short stories. I hope I can fit in some gardening time, too.

Things are shaping up. I just need to push on through this crazy week. My dreams tonight will be about cardboard and tape.

Packing

Oh my god, I own an iron. I even have a drill. No way! I found this great old purple sweater I'd sort of written off. It's a turtleneck my mom sent me (I look ghastly in turtlenecks). I have brass polish, for some reason, and a ton of candles, and incense. Wow.

Does anyone living in the area know of an independently-owned place run by a really nice person who could use the business? I have a watch that needs a band. Woah!



I was raised by two only children (sort of), one of whom used to bounce quarters off my bed to test my sheet-tucking, while the other posted a chart of chores on the fridge, with spaces to check off when each chore was done. To teach us a lesson about the system of justice, if a chore was not checked off (I had a little brother), we held a "trial" during which the transgressor could present their case, and my father would argue for the other side, and then all of us would decide the verdict.

One of my weekly tasks was to vacuum the Venetian blinds, and every week I did vacuum them, thoroughly. Another was to pull weeds from our beautiful poured-rock yard and to spray the roots with weed poison. Which might be why, today, I'm a little "forgetful" sometimes. The person I became isn't nearly so perfect, but I have my moments; they happen when I'm under great pressure. As I was until I turned 18 and moved out of the housing development where I grew up and on to a life of slatternliness, punctuated by moments of absolute godliness.

I think I'm about 1/4 done with all the packing. My boxes are pristinely taped and stacked, in order of size, neatly against the walls. Perhaps you are frightened, and perhaps you admire me. Either way, you have to admit that you're insanely jealous of me and my organizational skills. I know you are. I would be jealous, too, if I was not me, but you.

I'm Cheating!

Okay, I said I was going away for a while, but I dunno, now I feel like I'm cheating. I'm super busy right now - I'm moving in less than two weeks, and my favorite ginafriend is coming to visit for a week, and Matty is back in San Francisco, and then there's the extra shift at the bookstore - achtung, I have soooooo much to get done, and I don't mind it at all.

I've signed up for an improv class, which will start in July!

I should get back to bizniz. I'll still drop by your places and I'll leave stuff here, but as I said, my life is sort of full and interesting at the moment.

I'm Going Away

for a little while, because right now I have a lot of loose ends to tie up.

I hope things are going well! Bye!