In half an hour,

I really need to be in bed, asleepin', adreamin' of the weekend.

Which, Matty's going with me to the New Age Symposium on Saturday! Wow!

It's for work. I'm supposed to make contacts with authors and learn a little more about New Age writers. Right now, I should be reading this interesting book called Lifeprints by this man who figures out peoples' life purposes by reading their fingerprints.



Because back to me (which is who I blog about, really). I have several fingers with this pattern, which is called a tented arch. It's fairly rare, and it stands for "wisdom". Don't be intimidated! It doesn't mean that I'm smarter than you, even if I'd prefer you to think that. It just means I dwell on everything and may have trouble making choices.

According to what the book says about my fingerprints, I need to strive to commit wholeheartedly to my family and friends and community (this is my life's true purpose), but I'm having to struggle with my inability to communicate clearly, a symptom of my fear of making up my mind. As a result, I don't have much power and lots of trouble realizing my passions.

Or something. I will meet this author in a couple of weeks, and maybe he can straighten me out on this. I sure hope so, anyway.

But I was saying that I should be reading this book. Instead, I'm blogging. Because committing to my community is my life's purpose. The fingerprints do not lie.

One of my cool coworkers showed me something that you who work on computers probably do all the time -- we're on this shared server, so we can listen to each others' itunes! Yay! This person named "Amanda" & who I'm not sure I've met has an awesome playlist! There's this band called TV on the Radio, and they have an album called OK Calculator that I really really need to have! Except, I guess it's extremely rare, so I can't. But knowing this, my need to own it is even greater!

Here they are:



Cute, eh?

My job is still very hard and confusing, but I'm going to do my best, no matter what. If my fingerprints are telling the truth, I need to speak up very clearly and be decisive if I want to enjoy it to the fullest.

'Bye for now! And I'm sorry about the breeziness of this posting, but I just didn't have much time to edit it.

You May Be Weary

of hearing about my new job, but I need to say this:

It's completely intriguing, and though I find the whole thing very very difficult and intimidating, it's just plain fascinating!!

Our good friend Ticharu would approve. I'm going to be publicizing lots of spiritual books and books on alternative healing. It's a tough market, but lucky for me, we have a lot of Pagans on our side. In case you didn't know this, Pagans are really nice people! Woman-friendly, too. I sure do like that aspect of it.



Anyhoo, I better get to bed. Lots of publicizing to do in the morning!!

xo, y'all!

Okay, okay, okay,

I know that I'm a bit sensitive and not very adaptable and that's simply uncool.

Still, though, today I found myself sort of jonesing weepishly over my old job, where I could listen to whatever music I wanted to listen to and discuss it with other people who generally liked it, too. I mean, I tended to have interactions. At the bookstore, my coworkers liked to joke around and talk about current events and art and the stuff that was going on in their lives.

At my new job, everyone's pretty busy. And you know what? It's no fun being the new person. I say hi in the morning and when people don't bother to look up, when their reply is obligatory-sounding to me, I get sad. I understand that the majority of the questions I have, as the newbie, are annoyingly simple to those who've been around for a while. I try very hard to save up my questions or to figure things out on my own or to distribute my questions evenly so that I'm not bugging one person in particular.

But I guess I get really bummed when I'm talking about my weekend or welcoming someone back from vacation or complimenting their blouse and I get this feeling that even with this, I'm being an awful pest.

I do know that I have to be patient, and that I'll wind up adjusting. I know that I have to keep pushing on.

When I came home tonight, I was so thankful that I remain in San Francisco. At least I have this city.

Work,

and work-related stuff: that's what I've been doing lately. Things will shift a little when I get used to my new job. For now, though, I'm reading a soon-to-be-released book about alternative approaches to cancer prevention, and you wouldn't believe how many fruits and vegetables I've been eating as a result. That, and I'm drinking an awful lot of green tea. And walking approximately four miles a day.

Other than working and doing all that stuff I have to do in order to keep myself alive, I've spent a little time with Matty, who dragged me to the beach last weekend. Thank God! I hadn't been to the beach in about a year and had nearly forgotten what a beach was supposed to look like. I know I shouldn't be this way, but I have a tough time making myself go out and do things if I know I'm going to be doing them alone.

Tomorrow, with any luck, UPS will finally deliver the roller skates I ordered. Even when I'm alone, I think I'll enjoy skating through Golden Gate Park, though I'm sure I'll do some of this with Matty.

Which, I've been having a tough time figuring out the things I can do solo, if I need to be solo. I DO NOT like going to restaurants and bars by myself. There's something so disconcerting about taking sips and bites in public. I guess it's because the public aspect of eating out is supposed to distract me from the private tragedy of ingestion (I find eating, unless if it's done at a party/feast, generally sad and utilitarian), but when I'm alone what's really distracting is the idea that there isn't much distraction from the act of eating: all the chewing, the swallowing, the furtive little fits of choking. In other words, I get distracted by the idea that nobody's providing a distraction, and I see myself all the more glaringly, as if projected on a large screen at the front of the bar or restaurant, as I commit the sad act of inserting morsels of food between my lips. Don't most of us feel slightly self-conscious about eating or drinking in public? So much so, that we're most comfortable when there's this small element of us-as-spectacle while we're eating out? Meaning, we kind of feel better in front of a benign audience, usually meaning a friend or acquiantance or relative? But the thing is, when I'm alone and eating/drinking in public, I'm largely ignored by the public in a way that feels worse than simply being alone in a room with the curtains shut and the door bolted.



When you're all alone, what kinds of things motivate you to get out of your living space? What have you done all by yourself that has resulted in joy? You tell me yours, and I'll tell you mine.

The First Day At My New Job

was great! Wow!

But let me backtrack a little.

My LAST day at Phoenix Books was great, too. I met my artist-friend Tina there, as she will be taking over many of my shifts. We hung out at the counter for a while (someone else was running the place, so we were free), then off we went for pizza and martini makings. 45 minutes later we returned, and for the last hour of the night we had vodka martinis and greek slices. Yum! I spent a little sad time lamenting the fact that for the rest of my life, it's unlikely I'll get to drink on the job. Then the time came, and we closed up the store.

Let me tell you, folks, I loved that bookstore with all my heart. When I landed in San Francisco, I was desperate for a job and I needed a place to rest and to breathe. I had so much fun at the bookstore, and I learned a lot about the local music scene, and I made some really great friends there. Especially Tina, who's exactly my kind of person. I can't exactly tell you why. But it's sort of like falling in love: you meet the person, and you just know that you like them. It's how I felt about Matty and Ginab when I met them, too.

Why are friends so much easier to find than romantic partners?!

Anyway, I had my last day, and the next day I had a day off. I spent it at the doctor's, as I can't seem to shake this disgusting sinus cold. After checking me over, the doctor declared me freakishly healthy and strong. She said that I'd just have to be patient and let my immune system do its thang. No antibiotics. I wasn't thrilled about showing up to my new workplace all sinus-y and dripping, but such is life.

This morning, my first day at the new place, I woke up sleepy because I was just too excited to rest, and though I'd set my alarm, I hadn't needed it. I hopped on the train, the bart, and then took a walk through North Berkeley. Along the way, I heard someone call my name. It was my ex-boss, Kate, who owns the bookstore, in a cool orange Karmann-Ghia! She pulled over and we talked a bit. It was awesome to see her! And what a coincidence, just as I was on my way to my first day at Tenspeed.

Which, take a gander at the front door!



I don't know about you, but I find this entrance inviting, cute, and just the kind of thing I'd love to walk through every morning! Isn't it neat?

My first day was a bit overwhelming. I have a lot to learn. A LOT! But I'm confident I can do it! And I think I'm going to love it! And I'd even venture to say that after a little adjusting, I think I will be good at it!

The building is just lovely, the people who work there seems very smart, we have not only yoga on Thursdays but massages on Fridays, and WOW, I'll have my own little office space, business cards, and most of all I'll be working to publicize a bunch of exciting new books, which, I'm going to be SO PROUD to see these things sell!!!!!!!

I've worked in a lot of places over the years, and NEVER have I seen such a beautiful "break room" as this spot, where I enjoyed my little homemade sandwich:



Isn't it pretty?!?!

All right, I need to get to bed so I will sparkle in the morning!