Sometimes Selfish

Yeesh, I'm sorry it took me so long to say hi and to answer everyone. This holiday I've had to be a little neglectful in favor of pressing and personal stuff that's got my head a-spinning. I sure hope you all understand that I'm doing my best, and that it's no reflection on my feelings for you. I wish it was a comfort to know that part of me feels horribly guilty (though another part thinks her own needs take precedence this time & will defend that notion — the combination isn't pretty, I'm afraid).



I spent the last few days with my family, who I haven't seen but maybe once since the biggest and most public disaster and failure of my entire life (which also happened to be the wisest, strongest, and toughest decision I've ever made)! Yay! I did my utmost to convince my family that I'm not a complete mess, but I'm afraid I convinced no one (despite the evidence!!). So in this case, part of me feels deeply inadequate, while another thinks she's pretty damn amazing. Humiliation/pride. So ungainly! Ah, well.

Tomorrow (and probably for the rest of my vacation) I'm to drive around to haggle with car dealers (I've been on the phone with them all afternoon). I'd much rather spend what remains of my vacation riding my bike, writing short stories, and visiting the SFMOMA. Dear car salespeople: internally, I'm at war with myself & believe me, I'm not going to be your favorite customer.

To the rest of you, don't worry — I'll subject you to me soon enough.