This blog is welcome to anyone and everyone, regardless of race, class, gender, sexual orientation, or political affiliation. Unless you don't like writing short stories or smelling bear. Or if you voted for the other guy. Also, I don't really like it when you leave up the toilet seat, so could you stop doing that? Muchas, muchas gracias.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Oh Christ, It's Christmas!

My dear friend Matty has "tagg'd" me, so in his honor, here are the answers to all of his Christmas questions. This time, though, I will only tag one person back: Sir William Shakespeare, an obscure writer and ardent fan of Tom Clancy.

When people say "Christmas," you immediately think. . .

I don't think of any one thing in particular. Maybe I remember these big old bug-eye lights in the fog and how one night in Seattle, during an ice storm, I ran around taking pictures of lights with an underwater camera, and how the next day a friend accidentally opened the camera and exposed the film before we could develop it, which made the pictures even neater in a way because now they're just pictures in my memory.

Or having to haul my bag and my presents about a mile to the Greyhound station to purchase a ticket with my tip money (it was never enough to cover cab fare) and somehow always winding up sitting right next to someone who'd crapped his pants. Or how my grandmother ran over our mailbox three Christmases in a row, and how she brought her boyfriend (what was his name? I can't remember) who smelled very strongly of cologne and came bearing all these gifts from Neiman Marcus, meaning that they came wrapped in these boxes that were clearly marked "Neiman Marcus" and were super boring for children and were often made of pewter or copper.

Favorite Christmas Memory

Um, I don't know why this is my "favorite" or even if it is my favorite, but my grandma on my dad's side tried to sew me a nightgown one year, and I remember that when I tried it on the hem was crooked so my grandpa had me pose for a photograph with one foot propped up on some hardcover books (Rudyard Kipling and O Henry, I'm sure of it).

The best gift I ever received was a year's worth of disco roller skating lessons. That was the year after my mom graduated from nursing school and had to work a 24-hour shift at the hospital, and I remember being sort of bummed that she wouldn't be there with us, but then I found the gift certificate for the lessons under the tree, and I forgot that I even had a mom and have mistreated her ever since, though I am an awesome disco skater to this day!

Favorite Christmas Song/Carol

When I lived in China, all of the ice cream trucks blasted a tinny version of Jingle Bells (even during the summer when it was sticky hot). That particular version of the song is my favorite, and the ice cream was good, too, though I don't know what flavor I was eating. Lychee?

Is Edelweiss a Christmas song? Because I like that one, too.

Favorite Christmas Movie

Favorite Christmas Character

Cousin Dell

Favorite Christmas Decoration/Object

This is the angel that Matty gave me a couple of Christmases ago, and despite all the tsunamis and earthquakes and apocalyses that have happened since then, I am living witness to its protective powers.

Plans For Christmas

I am flying back to Washington State for a very short visit. I hope to gain fifty pounds and to make and keep the peace and to leave with a little self-esteem.

Is Christmas Your Favorite Holiday?

No way, man! I like giving and getting presents — sheesh, I even like wrapping them, and to be honest I spend just about as much on the paper and ribbon as on the actual contents — but the best things just kind of happen without anticipation or warning. Besides, I'm not religious and am only in it for the free food, and the idea that everyone has to be nice to me, and to get a few days off of work.

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Blogger purplesimon said...

Let me be the first to wish you a Merry Christmas - although I prefer to celebrate Yule.

You see, I don't really like this festive season, mainly because it's so status-driven or the religious zealots come out of the woodwork and start preaching to us, when it's clear to me that religion ignites wars, not stop them.

So, if there is any part of your post I agree with, it's the last coupla sentences.

Oh, I did enjoy Matty's angel gift. Surely it's only available in San Francisco?

Anyway, have a good holiday and see you in the New Year.

purplesimon out...

5:12 AM

Blogger matty said...

Yes, that Gay Angel will protect you!

Purplesimon - we can get one for you if you need it. keeps things safe!

Ing - you might want to take your Gay Angel with you! Just don't let it get injured! Then I think you get cursed! No!

I love that you received and took roller disco lessons! You're just my kind of girl! Plus you're stacked! Everyone says so!

You know, if a man had shown up to my Christmas in strong cologne bearing gifts from Nieman's --- he would have been my hero! But, I'm gay. I would have been totally enthralled by the boxes as much as the gifts.

I do not know your movie choices.

You, too, are in my list!

I'll be sending much positive thought and love your way as you battle thru Xmas. There better be some kick ass pressies waiting for you!

I'll see ya before you leave!

kisses and love,

5:45 AM

Blogger lryicsgrl said...

Merry Christmas, to you, ING....enjoy the food and all!

Do you still Disco Roller Skate?

I wish there really was a Santa Claus, don't you?

Happy, Happy Holiday!!


7:21 AM

Blogger josh williams said...

Well one of the best presents I had this season is not being tagged, I thank you for this. I do remember by favorite gift, it was in 1969 we loaded up the station wagon and headed to NC to visit my Grandparents, always a grand time. My folks, mostly my dad kept telling me I was going to get a mule for Christmas, I was a wee lad of 7 and thought hmmm a mule, I dunno I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth but...a mule? Well we had just recently moved to rural Indiana on nine acres of land just to get out of the rat race, I think this was the year my dad was fired for not showing up for work, he hated his corperate job and wondered why they had not fired him earlier, however I stray.
We arrived in NC had a great time with my grandparents my uncle, we played pool, cussed, my grandfather let me cuss and stuff like that, cool stuff like that. Well I was still about 20% sure my folks were pulling my leg about me getting a mule for Christmas, but the again we lived in the country and my dad actually explained to me in detail how I would sit on the mule and hold onto its ears when I rode it.Come Christmas day, I found under the tree not a mule but a Sear's brand mini bike,(basically a lawn mower engine in a riged frame, pull start) my hands were so small my dad taped three pencils to the throttle on the handle bars so I could get a grip and wind her out, great gift and great memories. Now the only mule I have is my blogsite. Have a great holiday and thanks for not tagging me your tops! JW

4:15 PM

Blogger ginab said...

People tear into wrapping. People shred wrapping paper.

My head feels like a pile of shredded wrapping paper. Or is it the other way around?

Yum...lychee ice cream!!! Perfect! Yum! Let's at least move to Taiwan. I mean it.

I enjoyed our funny conversation until my phone bleeped. Happy trails. I wish it was Friday!

Poor Purple-Si though for not at least liking the season. I hope he cheers up soon!

I love the tale of the crooked nightgown. Tres chic baby, tres chic.

The angels are gay in the heavens so pink and bright with warmth and love and giving hark hark hark!

I just had to sing out.

I must say: a question on a resolution should be asked in this tagging. I have one for all: read.

gotta run. Hot coffee is on the boil.

-ginab+bb xo

6:59 AM

Blogger sage said...

I hope this Christmas redeems your past Christmases--or at least your mailbox remains upright... Merry Christmas Ing.

7:00 PM

Blogger Ren said...

Just wanted to wish you a fleece navidad. Or is it feliz? :-p

6:56 PM

Blogger Ahvarahn said...

People keep asking what my wish is, but I haven’t used it yet and have decided to give it away. I’ve decided to give it to you. You can have my wish this Christmas so you have an extra one, and if that wish involves an accumulation of humongous riches in 2008, may I be so bold as to nominate myself as a possible beneficiary for a modest but work-quitting percentage, if that wish so comes to pass?

Merry Christmas, Ing,

11:21 AM

Blogger matty said...

Hope you're having a very happy Santa Day! We're missing you here, babe!


1:27 PM


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