Oh Christ, It's Christmas!

My dear friend Matty has "tagg'd" me, so in his honor, here are the answers to all of his Christmas questions. This time, though, I will only tag one person back: Sir William Shakespeare, an obscure writer and ardent fan of Tom Clancy.

When people say "Christmas," you immediately think. . .

I don't think of any one thing in particular. Maybe I remember these big old bug-eye lights in the fog and how one night in Seattle, during an ice storm, I ran around taking pictures of lights with an underwater camera, and how the next day a friend accidentally opened the camera and exposed the film before we could develop it, which made the pictures even neater in a way because now they're just pictures in my memory.


Or having to haul my bag and my presents about a mile to the Greyhound station to purchase a ticket with my tip money (it was never enough to cover cab fare) and somehow always winding up sitting right next to someone who'd crapped his pants. Or how my grandmother ran over our mailbox three Christmases in a row, and how she brought her boyfriend (what was his name? I can't remember) who smelled very strongly of cologne and came bearing all these gifts from Neiman Marcus, meaning that they came wrapped in these boxes that were clearly marked "Neiman Marcus" and were super boring for children and were often made of pewter or copper.

Favorite Christmas Memory

Um, I don't know why this is my "favorite" or even if it is my favorite, but my grandma on my dad's side tried to sew me a nightgown one year, and I remember that when I tried it on the hem was crooked so my grandpa had me pose for a photograph with one foot propped up on some hardcover books (Rudyard Kipling and O Henry, I'm sure of it).

The best gift I ever received was a year's worth of disco roller skating lessons. That was the year after my mom graduated from nursing school and had to work a 24-hour shift at the hospital, and I remember being sort of bummed that she wouldn't be there with us, but then I found the gift certificate for the lessons under the tree, and I forgot that I even had a mom and have mistreated her ever since, though I am an awesome disco skater to this day!

Favorite Christmas Song/Carol

When I lived in China, all of the ice cream trucks blasted a tinny version of Jingle Bells (even during the summer when it was sticky hot). That particular version of the song is my favorite, and the ice cream was good, too, though I don't know what flavor I was eating. Lychee?

Is Edelweiss a Christmas song? Because I like that one, too.



Favorite Christmas Movie



Favorite Christmas Character

Cousin Dell

Favorite Christmas Decoration/Object

This is the angel that Matty gave me a couple of Christmases ago, and despite all the tsunamis and earthquakes and apocalyses that have happened since then, I am living witness to its protective powers.



Plans For Christmas

I am flying back to Washington State for a very short visit. I hope to gain fifty pounds and to make and keep the peace and to leave with a little self-esteem.

Is Christmas Your Favorite Holiday?

No way, man! I like giving and getting presents — sheesh, I even like wrapping them, and to be honest I spend just about as much on the paper and ribbon as on the actual contents — but the best things just kind of happen without anticipation or warning. Besides, I'm not religious and am only in it for the free food, and the idea that everyone has to be nice to me, and to get a few days off of work.