This blog is welcome to anyone and everyone, regardless of race, class, gender, sexual orientation, or political affiliation. Unless you don't like writing short stories or smelling bear. Or if you voted for the other guy. Also, I don't really like it when you leave up the toilet seat, so could you stop doing that? Muchas, muchas gracias.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Literary Makeovers

Very early this morning, when I was in bed, my night-owl roommate sent me a link to a blog called Literary Makeovers!!! It appears the blog's author read this article about how Wordsworth Editions, a publisher that does inexpensive reprints of classic books, decided to photoshop Jan Austen's portrait to make her less dowdy.

Here's the original portrait of Jane Austen:



Here's the Wordsworth Editions portrait-of-Jane-with-makeup-and-hair-extensions:



And here's the final makeover, by the author of Literary Makeovers!!!:



HOT!



Anyway,

today is the end of my three-day weekend, and between my two jobs and my improv class, I'm going to be busy. Then there's writing, yoga, cooking, and dancing ungracefully in my new room.

I'm getting older, and I have wasted too much time and too many efforts. I've accomplished so much, but sometimes just coping doesn't seem like much at all. In fact, it seems like nothing.

At this point I'd be satisfied with a comfortable chair for sitting and writing stories (almost bought one yesterday), a good book to read, some clean socks, and a four-day work week. I'm a happy, dull person, and I'm terrified I don't have stories in me.

12 Comments:

Blogger josh williams said...

Stories? You just wrote a story. So buy the chair, stay young and use the writing chair as a reward for staying young.
Older is the new young, or something like that. My Best JW

7:59 PM

 
Blogger ginab said...

you've got plenty a tale to pen. looky how you dances besides!

I love that room.

Tell us about the improv class. I did remember! Just, I said, "Ing, break a leg, kick some ass, no warning!" but in a whisper.

-ginab

5:49 AM

 
Blogger Spinning Girl said...

that makeover, and you jumping around, is the best thing i've seen all day.

11:43 AM

 
Blogger matthew said...

That's horrible what they did to Jane!!!! ...but, can they do that to me? How much does it cost? I NEED to be remade to be prettier and far more thin!

You are ANYTHING but dull! Man!?!?! When will you ever get that! People love to be around/near you! You glow! And, you're a very sexy, funny and charming person! Get a grip around that reality and work it!

And, dance! Dance!!!!!

(love those pictures! Were you dancing to Goldfrapp? ...please tell me you were!)

...and every day there is a new story brewing in that perfect mind of yours -- unleash them -- but don't let 'em make you over!

However, I'd appreciate one!

love and kisses,
matty

7:20 PM

 
Blogger purplesimon said...

It's people like you that make the world a better place.

purplesimon out...

2:54 AM

 
Blogger ing said...

Josh:

Yeah, I keep hearing that 40 is the new 30, 70 is the new 60, etc. Me, I've managed to stay young, mainly by not striving. It works!

______________

ginab:

Yes, yes, I am a fantastic dancer, as you can see. The sun's a little orange ball at the moment, and it's coming right through my curtains. My new plant has aphids! I sprayed it with soapy water, but the aphids remain. They're slowly eating it to death. Very sad.

I'll tell you about the improv class soon, when I start it!!

________________

spinning:

Thanks! If only I could have had a makeover or Jan Austen were dancing in my room, it would have been the best of both worlds.

_________________

Matty:

I'm sure they could do that to you. They did it to a number of male authors. Look what they did to Donald Barthelme! It's free, too, but you'll have to write and publish a novel or collection first, and become a known literary figure.

Who else would I dance to besides Goldfrapp?

I'll crank out a few stories, but I have discipline myself (as opposed to having my mother, Isabelle Huppert, discipline me).

Matty, Ma Mere gave me the creeps, but the ending was kind of funny. . .

___________________

Purps:

I'm changing the world through sloth!

6:52 AM

 
Blogger ginab said...

take the plant back! I'll vouch for you.

I thought you'd started the improv or did I misread? I was imagining you on Sunday all standing up and then acting like you were in a crowd, in the stands, at a football game watching your favorite winning team lose.

hot is a short word. hot-toh sounds __________.

7:22 AM

 
Anonymous Pants said...

Jane Austen meets Bay Watch. Nice! :-)

I want a four-day work week.

12:03 PM

 
Blogger Ren said...

"Dance, even if you do it in your own living room."

"Floss."

"Don't read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly."

"You are NOT as fat as you think."

WORDS TO LIVE BY.

6:47 AM

 
Blogger matthew said...

Ing, the fruit only becomes good ones the worm enters!

7:41 AM

 
Blogger ing said...

ginab:

Ach, I haven't had time to take the plant back yet, and it's almost eaten to the roots now! I've been exercising after work, and between working out and pigging out. . . Well, you know.

Improv starts on Sunday, and I'm excited, but I'm really scared to drive there! Arg, that last accident did a number on me. Ah, well. I'll give it a try. How bad could the traffic be on a Sunday afternoon?

_______________

Pants:

I want a 4-day work week AND a 4-hour work day! I wonder if there's a way . . . There's got to be. I mean, really!

_______________

ren:

Oh, I am as fat as I think I am. I have a scale, mind you. And I floss at least once a day. I dance when no one can see me. And since the women in the beauty mags are all so much younger than me, I figure the time to compare is long gone.

_______________

matthew:

Oh, crap, you MUST stop watching French cinema!

5:50 PM

 
Blogger matty said...

I can't -- French cinema is in my blood! You can't abandon me in my obsession! YOU CAN'T!

Besides, I don't want you to respect me -- I want you to love me for my perversity!

love and kisses,
matty

11:16 PM

 

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