Where I'm Headed

Woah, woah, woah. Screeeeeeech (crunch).

I've met a number of people since I left my wedding dress on a hanger and ran off to San Francisco. It's been confusing, because I think I know people, and so I create this schema to explain why they do what they do, and then they say or do something that doesn't quite fit the schema, and then they become different versions of the same people. Which stirs the waters, making me uneasy in the short term, and more settled in the long term. But why settled? Because with every misstep there's a correction, and corrections feel better than accidents.

And besides, the closer I get to knowing a person, the more I tend to like them. The funny thing is, the very things that might steer me closer to this place of understanding are the same things people de-emphasize about themselves. And if they de-emphasize the things that don't fit into my schema, I filter them out (which means I'm a poor listener, or a manipulator - dang!).

On top of all that, the events of the past explain only that we've been affected, and the that part is inadequate. And please, don't get me started on the how part. I mean, do we, ourselves, really understand how the events of the past affect us? I've done a lot of work trying to figure that out for myself, and I don't think I'll ever get to the bottom of it. So how can I, or we, ever get to the bottom of anyone else?

It's this process of corrections that eventually leads us to where we're going, and it's taking so long to get there. But I happen to know that where I'm headed is a lovely place (no, I'm not talking about death! I'm talking about right here!). If you are a friend, I'll meet you there.