This blog is welcome to anyone and everyone, regardless of race, class, gender, sexual orientation, or political affiliation. Unless you don't like writing short stories or smelling bear. Or if you voted for the other guy. Also, I don't really like it when you leave up the toilet seat, so could you stop doing that? Muchas, muchas gracias.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

A Question For The Ladies From A Brain Dead Zombie

I am brain dead, as my poor friend ginab can attest; we talked on the phone for a couple of hours and I don't think I said a thing worth remembering, though I have some pretty vivid memories of what SHE said. I'm afraid I've become horribly uninteresting, and I'm not sure why.

Anyway, here's my question. How many of you ladies have been told, sternly, by some dude you don't know very well that you shouldn't flush your tampons down the toilet? As if you didn't know better? As if this is something all women do, habitually?

Whenever a man scolds me in advance for this, I wonder if he believes that I bleed every minute of every day. Does he think my purse and pockets are stuffed with tampons? Maybe he imagines me at the grocery store pushing a cart of unwrapped Tampax, strings a-dangling, plus a couple of bottles of Midol and a frozen pizza. If he were pressed to describe a woman, would menstrual be his adjective of choice?

I flush a lot of things down the can, as I'm sure you can imagine. Unpaid bills, retired wigs, broken appliances, dead pets, and live grenades. Obviously, my brain has made that circuit and is now somewhere in the sewers. But a tampon? Never.

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26 Comments:

Blogger purplesimon said...

Men have scolded you - in advance?! WTF!! You've made me use two exclamation marks in a row and I hate to do that, but I can't believe a man would...

My brains are fried. Really? They've said that?

Jeez.

I worry for the future of our species if it's true.

If a man says it to you again, leave them floating in his cup of coffee. That'll ensure he never does something so stupid again.

purplesimon out...

2:26 AM

 
Blogger josh williams said...

I know this question is for the ladies, but in my entire life I have never told a single soul male for female, do not flush your tampon down the toliet! Now I would not say never is a big word, I am worried, seldom should you flush a live grenade.I found the photo of the jumping cholla, man or woman it will bring you chills.

6:00 AM

 
Blogger AhvaRahn said...

I know, another male view, but I have never had that question even enter my mind.

But you know, I have a question really; this guy that scolds you, how does he know?

6:35 AM

 
Blogger AhvaRahn said...

Opps, I guess that was your point, sorry. One does not do such a thing so why does he ask. Tired.

6:40 AM

 
Blogger Karen Little said...

I'm a bad person. I flush tampons all the time.

No man has ever enquired as to whether or not I actually do it before, though...

12:00 AM

 
Blogger matty said...

many years ago, I had a job where I had to explain to a room full of women why the building had decided to remove the special boxes that had been in the stalls of the womens restrooms. ...something about it be a "toxic hazzard" for the janitorial staff to remove/sanitize these boxes.

It was awkward and strange.

...and, then, more than a few of those women decided to protest and flush 'em down the toilet.

I never said anything, but HR did.

As I sat in meetings with the janitorial staff managers, HR and assorted other talking heads I felt a major twinge of that "you go, girl!" feeling. "Flush away!" ...but I just sat there and listened as these idiots discussed "ways" to prevent these "rebels" from clogging the plumbing in protest. ...because the real reason they were no longer cleaning/emptying these boxes was to save some money and lay off some of the janitorial staff.

...but the plumbers got some extra work.

For years, I lied to the women at staff meetings when they would ask why there was no where decent to dispose of tampons/napkins.

I feel free now.

...with wings.

(and you're not uninteresting or a zombie)

12:42 AM

 
Blogger Barnes said...

Hello Ing. I'm visiting from Josh W's
site. Lovely place you have here.

I would not tell a woman not to flush tampons. But I hope I would be able to tell the difference between a dead pet and a retired wig.

5:39 AM

 
Anonymous Meredith said...

Oh Ing, you're not suffering from brain annihilation yet! You still rock. Making me laugh this week takes talent and you succeeded!

5:36 PM

 
Blogger ginab said...

Well I don't recall a word edgewise of what I might have said except you were hoovering up saw dust from using a hand saw to build some book shevles. You stepped outside twice to smoke. Pugs, we agreed, are overbred and for this reason need cesearian (sp) sections to give birth or else they'll die. Beagles, without the Pug blend, are a terrible barking frenzy. There's a puggle that lives up the road from me.

The important personal stuff remains stored away in yes the cabinent of non-memory. ;-) (We spoke of other people's memory, some folks slipping away.)

~

BUT here I'm thinking the issue has less to do with the tool--tampon--than the tool telling you what you should do. For me, falls into the camp of ASS-U-ME. Happens blatantly all of the time, the ass-u, and each time I want to trip myself backwards down concrete stairs.

3:49 PM

 
Blogger Ticharu said...

Well the illustration is hillarious... you don't seem very brain dead to me! What you need is some new music in yer ears... follow me to the new Plum Flower Dripping for some Neutral Sons! Unless you're calling a plumber... ha ha! :)

4:30 PM

 
Blogger wallycrawler said...

Did ya notice that the tampon kind'a looks like a white penis ?

4:34 PM

 
Blogger ing said...

purps:

Yes, they have. But I'm glad to report that this kind of thing doesn't happen very often at all. I've also been scolded about letting my long hair clog the shower drain. This was when I was moving into an apartment with my then-boyfriend whose hair was not only longer but more abundant than mine. He received no such scolding. WTF?!?!?

Some dudes have strange ideas. I think this kind of dude is a dying breed.

_________________

Josh:

That's why the ladies prefer you, I guess. You know better. At least, that's the rumor amongst the ladies. I will try to curb my grenade habit, though. It's sort of messy, that.

Watch out for those chollas!

_________________

avarahn:

A certain kind of man seems to "know" an awful lot. It's very confusing to me, how they know what they know. Precognition, maybe?

_________________

Karen:

You DO? Is the plumbing a little less delicate in SA? Around here, it all stops working once you flush a tampon down the pipes.

__________________

Matty:

Um, that sounds like a really really sucky kind of job. Don't you LOVE it when higher-ups assign you the tasks you just know they would not do themselves?

Where do you think the ladies were supposed to dispose of their used plugs, eh? How very strange.

________________

barnes:

You're one step ahead of folks like Donald Trump. Is that a dead squirrel on his head?

__________________

meredith:

Aw, thanks! I feel pretty brain dead, especially tonight. I had one helluva day. It started off with a bright, unheated bookstore, a shipment of cute Japanese stationery featuring happy junk food and baby animals that pick mushrooms -- tons of it, and nowhere to put it, but kind of fun, nevertheless.

But it ended with several impatient, angry, fighting children. I am not good with children. Not at all. They call me names. I guess it's unattractive to be thin in kidworld.

_______________

ginab:

Well, I guess I said something. I feel like all I do is complain, and I really have no right to, as far as I can tell. So I get pissed at myself and figure I'm BORING.

Assumption is definitely what I'm talking about. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't heard it straight from the tool's clacking jaws (or whatever).

______________

tich:

I'll give it a listen. My friend T sent me some Harry Partch. I'm sure he's one of your faves. Really neat!

_________________

wally:

No, but you sure did. Hmmmm, interesting. . .

8:29 PM

 
Blogger ing said...

Beer time! I'm off to the bar down the street, where I will sit and read and I hope lose myself for a little while.

Here's hoping there's a cute guy sitting by himself. A guy who's interested in Arabic fiction, that is. Fat chance.

8:49 PM

 
Blogger Ticharu said...

I've gotten to listen to Harry Partch once or twice... it was back in 84 when I worked at the record shop. Great stuff yeah, which leads me to ask if you've ever listened to Fly by Yoko Ono? Several tracks on the album feature handmade instruments if I remember correctly.

9:16 AM

 
Blogger ginab said...

Fatter chance he wouldn't be intrigued to see you, lady Ing, reading Arabic fiction (or yikes! fiction in Arabic!!).

You are not BORING. You're gorgeous and smart and stylin'. And you read!

-ginab

8:00 PM

 
Blogger ing said...

Tich:

I'm not at all surprised that you've heard The Partch.

______________

Ginab:

You have made my entire evening, and I will TRY to take your words and keep them somewhere easily accessible. I appreciate them. B sent me an image that reminds me of what I'm missing in my life. If I'm truly interesting, something interesting will happen to me. Right?

8:21 PM

 
Blogger AhvaRahn said...

I had a premonition that you will be tagg'd when bb's mom sees the joy of sues. Omm.

9:22 PM

 
Blogger matty said...

Neat O profile picture!!!!

...I miss you!

When are we hanging?!!!?!?

9:49 PM

 
Blogger sage said...

like the others guys, I have never told a woman not to flush a tampon down the toilet, but I have told people to only flush paper down it always after the fact, when I'm standing over the toilet with a plunger in one hand and a snake in the other, having just unclogged the contraption.

I bet grenades work better than Draino!

7:54 AM

 
Blogger Carla said...

How very funny in a sad kind of way. I've NEVER been told to not flush my tampons down the toilet, although I have on occasion been the recipient of numerous other inane comments by the male species. Great post!

9:04 AM

 
Blogger Ren said...

Well, whatever you do, please, oh, please flush your "soiled" toilet paper... Please.

Yes, I've returned.

7:35 PM

 
Blogger lryicsgrl said...

He he he...the first "dude" to lecture me on the flushing or not flushing permit of the TAMPON was my dear old Dad....yes, every time the "snake" had to be used, he would look at me sideways, and say, "I hope I don't find a Tamton (yes, he pronounced it wrong, always) in here" Yike! I actually don't think he ever did. But, I do recall one time when my own MOTHER wouldn't haul herself to the local pharmacy to buy me an emerency package of the goods....told me to use a clean rag, like she did in the good old 1930's....my Dad, doll that he really was, stuffed his MACHISIMO right down his throat, and went to the store to buy me, his little Princess, my "TAMTONS"!

So, how are you? And I don't think anyone could find you dull or uninteresting....I hope you are feeling more your vivacious self....xo

6:19 PM

 
Blogger lryicsgrl said...

EMERGENCY...I can spell, really!

cute word vert:
nhoofizy

6:20 PM

 
Anonymous Meredith said...

I'm hoping that your absence means that you met a guy in the bar who was profoundly interested in arabic fiction, utterly smitten with your lovely svelte frame (svelte, sweety, NOT skinny!)and that you're still sleeping the whole adventure off.

8:01 PM

 
Blogger tkkerouac said...

love this post and the tampon, may I borrow it. I'm fresh out.
love your thumbnail too.

6:49 AM

 
Blogger Anne-Marie said...

Well, I did the unthinkable when I was about 13 (and my sister 11) and sent pads down the house toilet. My father almost killed us, but didn't seem too sure of what we had done until my mother explained it all.

I stopped using pads once I decoded my mother's bizarre "you must wait until you are married to use tampons" speech, and knew better by then about all flushing.

Any man who woulf be lecturing me about things he never has to face would not get a Christmas card. Or a second invitation out to lecture me some more.

And, speaking of invites, I am SFO-bound on Friday and would love to pop by and say hello. Can you let me know (via email is fine too) where one might find you, oh, intelligent, gorgeous, stylin' one?

AM

2:15 PM

 

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