Here, Hear, Here.
I'm writing to express my gratitude to Ginab and Matty for helping me to get my ass in gear. In certain ways, I'm doing well: I've been practicing lots of yoga, I'm (mostly) eating and drinking what I should eat and drink, I get enough sleep, and so far I'm continuing to learn from fate's awfulness. But when it comes to the immediate and practical things, I've been trying to pretend that I needn't pay attention.
Now that my friends have stepped in with ideas and advice, it's time for me to do my part. And I will. Issues having to do with finance and taxes and income -- I hate having to think about these things because they seem dry and abstract. I've always felt that there's something slightly immoral about money. But it's time. Ugh. Why can't the world operate a little differently for folks like me? 
Here's the precise reason I'm grateful. I've always sort of thought that everyone is, deep down inside of themselves, good and kind and compassionate. I've recently found out that this might not be true in all cases. But I still have grave doubts that my original thoughts are false. Look, I'm not a Christian or a Hindu or a Scientologist. I'm nothing except maybe what yoga draws out of me. And I can't shake the thought that goodness isn't just possible, but that it is also common. I do hope I'm not deluding myself and being a fool.
To this day, my faith in my two best friends has not been shaken, and this proves that I'm not completely deluded. If I'm not, in this case, deluded, then there's hope for the future. If there's hope for the future, then there's something to strive for. And so I will strive, and perhaps through striving I will someday be proud of myself. If I am ever proud of myself, I will be satisfied and ready to get old and die. I will owe this to my two best friends, who I love fiercely.
Labels: personal finance
posted by 
ing at 5:40 PM
17 Comments:
a beautiful post. i see many things here that can be applied to myself. i believe there is goodness, but there is also misunderstanding. we are so limited in how we communicate (and how well we do it) that there is a tendancy for the bad to take center stage. we take from something what we bring to it. i mean, the same event for me can be a negative experience or a positive experience based on my sugar level. don't get me wrong, i do not what to imply that if there is negative experience we should always blame ourselves; no, but we should look carefully. i believe in goodness and know there are those who will see me as naive. i just need to learn how to be understood. i also need to do better in paying my bills too. this post might be the influence that makes me improve.
best,
p.
5:54 AM
I tried to post a comment earlier, but it must have never taken.
I hope you will one day be able to look into that mirror and see the beautiful, strong, intelligent, talented and loving person that we all see. And, that you will be proud of yourself and all that you have accomplished in life. And, you have accomplished a great deal!
And, I do not believe that a person should start to get old and die once they achieve being proud of themselves. In fact, I think that is one of the many beginnings of life!
I'm proud of you. And, I'm so very blessed to be a part of your life.
11:31 AM
Communication is interesting given it's something we have (as a species) evolved into doing. (I'm struck by Avaharan here.)
Wasn't always the way to speak and the lack of communication (there wasn't any) made past generations angry as hornets, making them sting their wee children who grew up confused and anxious, and they communicated alright or somewhat; they definitely bred, and so on sifted the sands of time.
I believe children are good and blunt honest. Thankfully, they're harnessed for a while to a black and white view of the world, to interpreting the world, and so all the psycho babble that's been dribbled upon them is too gray for them to grasp for the truth. The gaps--what can turn a good black and white interpreter into a gray and mean person--are aplenty. Money is one, as happens. Class and race and sex and, viola: enemies and friends are abound.
We're learning at least to receive help to reduce the rage, while commercially (captialistically) our country wagers a different market altogether. So let's talk and sever thereby our greatest enemy: the one to cattle call the masses and deny us our right to communicate.
And so here's the blog. The collective joy of it! Where everyone here knows our missed deepest wish. Will they turn our wishes into stew? Or will they save the day? Will anyone give up or in? Tomorrow?
I'm so chuffed to be your friend yesterday and on and on.
-ginab
8:45 PM
I am bursting with poverty and I read others are as well...I work tomorrow and again the day after...
I just finished White Fang by Jack London...He died at age 40 and was the first writer to make a million dollars...The book was well written, as far as Jack read Martin Eden the summation of Mr Londons life...Hard work...Its strange when you outlive your heros...
9:08 PM
You are right, Ing. I am a hippie child , hippie chick, or flower child, deep inside my soul.(re: over at ginab's)
I know what you mean. I always thought that people are good in kind, deep inside....but, time and experience tells me, they are NOT. Most people do THINK they are good, but mostly, they are self-serving and self-centered, competitve and crass......ah, but most of my "true heart" friends, are not ALL of these things. I say ALL, because, everyone has to have one negative quality, at least some of the time. Even if it is only one time, or little of the time. If I expect more, I get disappointed, so I always say the glass is half full with my nearest, and dearest.
I think compassion is a quality that, if we all strived for it, the world would be a better place. But, the truth is, we strive to survive; in a competitve world, our goals tend to be self-serving. I think we miss the point though. If we put the collective WE ahead of ME, we wouldn't be in the mess we are in!
Ah, sorry to take up so much of your space...thanks for the hospitality, Ing!
xo
1:37 PM
Hi Ing, heard about your luke warm water situation and thought this tip may help. We recently put a insulation blanket around our water heater and it really helps keep our water warmer. It only cost a few bucks and took me about 15 minutes to install, and was well worth it.
6:09 PM
avarahn:
So you think the source isn't really "badness," but a failure to communicate? In a funny way, I guess that makes a lot of sense. Aside from what we can gather via visual clues, our idea of the other lies in verbal communication. The obvious problem here is the lie. If we decide that what we're hearing is not a lie, we then we either have the truth, or we have the miscommunication.
Miscommunication is really lying without intention, meaning that the listener discovers the miscommunication and perceives it as a misrepresentation of truth. The only difference is, this misrepresentation doesn't necessarily connote some kind of deceptive intention in the one who originally told it (as opposed to lying). Unless the teller is pathologically deceptive, meaning they've figured in the idea that they might be caught and have prepared for this eventuality by allowing for the notion that if the listener figures out the flaw in the story, the teller needs a backup story about how the problem lies in the inherent flaws with words, meaning the teller deflects responsibility purposely (I find this tendency despicable, myself). Which I choose to believe most people are not (this deceptive, I mean), though I may have my head in the clouds.
You're right, though: we can choose to interpret events as "bad" or "good." My overwhelming tendency is to take the side of the universe and to assume that everyone means well, 99% of the time. Which, to me that's a little deluded and maybe even foolish. I'm not at all happy about this state of affairs, I'm just sayin'.
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matty:
I don't mean to sound like a spoiled brat, but at this point in my life I want to have been proud, instead of continuing to strive for that thing I might be proud of later!
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ginab:
I'm chuffed, too.
But children -- I find their desires and the expression of their desires sort of selfish and rudimentary. They want, and if they can't have, then they cry. I see that they want such-and-such a book (for instance) because the book is about trains and they like to think about trains. But I also see them grabbing for books and crying because they can't have three instead of two, and I see how the parent slips a less expensive book in their hands when the kid's not paying attention and how this kid just doesn't notice the switch but only understands that they wanted to get something and for their parent to provide it, and that's what I mean by rudimentary.
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Josh:
Jack London. Yes, he was a good storyteller. And if you think about all the heroes throughout time and then think about how few of them are actually your contemporaries, it's not altogether strange that you outlive them.
You probably won't outlive your future heroes, no. Wouldn't it be nice to know that heroism is some sort of legacy, rather than something historical?
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lyricsgirl:
Yes, I knew that.
Take up as much space as you want. And about "competitiveness" -- I find that notion sort of Darwinian, and though I love that Darwin made us question what we used to hold to be true, I sometimes wonder if his explanation for why we behave the way we behave isn't hugely perscriptive and just as easy to fall back on as the alternative he sort of philosophically opposed. I dunno.
Again, I say that I am naiive, and that I'm going through a crisis of self-recognition.
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gary:
I'm on it! Thanks for the reminder -- I guess I knew about this solution, but I never did get around to trying it out here. I'll let you know if life becomes more than lukewarm soon.
9:50 PM
I might be chuffed but I am not sure what that means. I think unemployment is making my IQ go down even further and I was already at room temperature.
But, I think you have a great many reasons to be proud now. I would be more than happy to list them out over Diet Coke and a chip tomorrow after you get off work!
Let me know.
1:40 PM
Ing, I don't know if the majority of people are good and compassionate deep down, but I do know that the world is filled with many of these people and that eventually they meet up, become and stay friends. You have obviously found like- minded souls in Matty and Gina.
I also believe that being kind to yourself is the best thing you can do on this journey. Don't beat yourself up for what or where you should be- be happy and proud of what and where you are.
7:24 PM
Loverly post indeed except for the part about getting old and dieing... not while I'm alive anyway! By gosh, who wants to be content if then yer just gonna kack?!?
7:31 PM
We are all, by design, inherently good. We all look out for each other, in one way or another, and we keep each other honest. We are all, also my design, capable of materializing some horrible nightmares... But this is mostly because we lack the ability to truly tell the consequences of our actions. "The best laid plans of mice and men," you know?
And then there are things you just can't explain...
Nice post, Ing. Nice post. Hope your 2007 is off to a good start.
9:14 PM
matty:
I think chuffed is what you feel when you've just finished huffing gasoline and you've stuffed several pieces of gum in your mouth and the flavor is still very fresh.
Yes, I have lots to be proud of, and I'll start focusing on those things. Thanks.
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anne-marie:
I tend to agree that most people are compassionate and good. It's not fair to the rest of us when one person shakes things up and makes us doubt. These small setbacks shouldn't define the world, and I won't let them.
Still, I think it's smart to be a little wary. I'm trying to figure out to what extent I should be wary and to read the signs a little better. It's not easy, but I'm glad that I'm gaining some survival mechanisms.
Happy and proud -- I'll work on it.
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ticharu:
Well, we're all going to die eventually. Sometimes I think this life is just a long struggle to come to terms with ourselves and that by the time we die, we'll have found what we sought. But maybe that's all a cliche.
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labbie:
In a way, this was a very good start to my year. And are you saying that people do bad things because they fail to see that their actions might have dire consequences? That is, everyone's good, but sometimes even good deeds have awful consequences? Because I'm starting to believe that everyone's responsible for their behaviors, and that it's all right to point it out when a person has behaved badly. I never used to do that.
9:25 PM
I am unsure who my next hero will be, maybe I should look inside myself and convert to narcissism, it would be a challenge to out live myself.
10:14 AM
'we come out the other side, a phantom, then we fly'
3:42 PM
I love this post.
7:39 PM
Oh, Ing! ...do you think we might win so that you can run thru the streets of san francisco in a pair of actual Goldfrapp red glitter disco platform shoes!?!?! ...it would be so ---- um, supernatural.
3:03 PM
OMG! Are we twins seperated at birth! I'm in a really weird/good place right now. Just found out that a collection agency wants $6000 from me for a student loan from 13+ years ago. I'm trying to discipline my sporadic yoga practice and make myself do it daily instead of once in a blue moon or whenever my jeans don't fit. So far I feel fabulous and I'm feeling really creative and productive but I'm also sort of in mourning for all the time that's been wasted.
Anyway, hon, keep up with the yoga and meditation, as you know, it's very powerful!
7:37 PM
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