Mode
I'm averaging six hours of sleep a night, which is enough to get by on, but it's not really enough. I started a new part-time job to supplement my earnings, because I'm now officially a slave to my exorbitant rent. Right now, life is fairly dreary. But in a week or two, when I adjust to the new schedule and the new-job-anxiety settles down, my existence will be fun again. I know it will. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, because I'd rather not pack up and move again for a long, long time. I only have a few more moves in me -- that is, if I'm not going to share the adventure with someone else who's moving along with me. I'd like that. I'd like to join forces with someone and go it together. Four shoes instead of two, a full pot of coffee, and "how was your day?" That is my goal.
Long-term, I mean. In the short term, my goal is only to sleep until the sun comes up, to dream unbroken dreams full of spring meadows and honey, to walk an expanding spiral around my new place without no goal except to observe, to observe fully and with all of my senses, to eat what I have made and to drink what comes from the tap, to put everything in its proper place once and for all, to be as responsible to myself as I am to others, and to think positively.
Today I spent a couple of hours with children, as I will five days a week for a few months, until summer. The world is frightening, and it's fun, and I can't believe that I'm surviving this particular expedition.
Labels: anxiety, children, insomnia, joining forces, san francisco rents, survival
posted by 
ing at 7:08 PM
13 Comments:
Hey-um, the kids are alright. Bonnie Jo works with a young autistic man in "weapons". Can be done.
Six hours of sleep and I would be young again. But sleep is subjective (I'm thinking). And then if only Nyquil were not the killer clever (it is over me). If only it didn't knock me out. I'm with flu symptoms and I have a kind of date tomorrow night. Drank the Nyquil and powie I was out cold for an hour. Tamed off with Irish whiskey, black tea, my version of a hot tottie.
If winter does this to me again....!
You'll settle in. I know it.
-gina+bb
7:58 PM
glad to see you back, and with upbeat words. it is all about change, isn’t it? even when we are settled, things change, we change. it is spring soon, and sooner, you’ll be settled. keep the positive thoughts, and those things will happen, in the long, and in the short. my best – p.
8:02 PM
The date -- will you fill me in? If you're not trying for six hours (at least) yourself, give me a ring after 10pm your time. . . or if it's easier, send me an email, yeah? I believe you're going to enjoy yourself. I do.
Thursday! I pert-near forgat. Silly me.
I just read this excerpt from The Yacoubian Building by Alaa Al Aswany, and wow! I'm not sure what to make of the main character, but the excerpt left me starving for more. I wonder if you'd like her stuff?
Babe, why do you have flu symptoms again? Is it the freeze? Keep warm and well-fed and upbeat, to the extent you can muster it. I am predicting good things.
I'll settle in, yes. Matty and B have gone out of their way(s) to ensure that I will, and I can't begin to justify why I'm not elated just yet. I'm still walking around in circles, but eventually I'll sink down into the soft spot. This Saturday, a garage sale. I'll sell what I can sell.
Irish whiskey and black tea? I've been sipping room-temp shiraz. Though the other night I tried a cute little bar down the street, where I ordered a scotch and tonic, just one, which I sipped through a short straw. I felt sophisticated, but lonely. Hard alc, the barroom mirror, me staring back at me and my drink. I was lonely for my journal, I guess. I need a side habit.
I hear a fat rottweiler climbing the stairs. I'm still hankering for a little black pug.
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avarahn:
Yes, I'm back, and I'm online! I'm so glad to see you again, and yes, I'm thinking positively. It takes effort, these thoughts, but I'm willing.
Change is supposed to be about adventure and learning. I'm striving to view change through that kind of lens, but there have been so many changes in such a short time! I lucked out and landed on my feet, as I always do. Unbelievable. I suppose that with more change and more safe landings I'll eventually learn to predict happiness and safe outcomes. Skills! I have skills, and I didn't even know it!
8:34 PM
Winter hit like thunder in Indy, everyting was closed...Now the thaw, I so hope it thaws, I have no income or food during the hard winter freeze...Life is hard, the last few years it has been ruthless for the small business person. Amazon sure did pick an appropriate name.
8:43 PM
Josh:
Roadkill, blowtorch. That's all ye know on earth and all ye need to know.
8:47 PM
A new post!!!!! Yay!!!!
I think I only ever get 5.5 to 6 hours of sleep during the week.
B goes on about 4 hours during the work week.
Of course, I've been known to secure a good 10 hours on the weekend! So, I guess I make up time.
My Grandmother used to tell me that there'd be plenty of time for sleep later on. I guess that is a good way to look at it!
Your new part time job sounds exciting to me!
And, you will find that second pair of feet. It will happen.
And, you are VERY strong. Whether you fully realize it or not. You've managed to pull yourself thru a great deal and come out looking gorgeous!
Sunny and yellow apartments with stunning retro yellow/orange sofas are ultra fab.
Hope you're dreaming by now.
I plan to dream of glitter, soft kisses and smooth metalic beats. I don't know how to spell "metalic" ...you will need to teach me in that chissembop style of yours. I don't get it, but it amuses me.
10:10 PM
You're back. Hurrah.
purplesimon out...
4:23 AM
for strong women as you are it seems sometimes difficult to find that perfect other pair of shoes. but you will and you will know it rigth as it happenes, I'll bett.
6:35 AM
My nerves tingle with excitement for you.
8:13 AM
Ing, you're going to be just fine- enjoy the kids!
I'm in SF in just over two weeks, and getting very excited. Just the chance to be in positive temperatures, since we are just still sitting at freezing. Maybe I'll get the chance to pop in and say hi.
8:23 PM
Matty:
Yes, finally, a new post. I spent my evening sawing shelves and braces. . . I still need some more boards! My stereo is hooked up, and I'm listening to Bonnie Prince Billy. Ahhh.
Chissembop?!
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Purps:
Yes, I am. Do you still have a blog? (I'll check. . .) Hope you're getting lots of writing done. I'm not. Maybe next month.
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mone:
Shoes, feet, all of it. I'm still waiting. . .
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spinning:
Really? Sheesh! I'm filled with a dull kind of dread, I guess. I hope that feeling changes to something more tingly. I found a great hardware store, and a fabric store, and place to sell my jeans (I've lost some weight and they don't fit any more). And Haight lives up to its reputation -- I've counted six head shops so far. They sell tobacco pipes.
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anne-marie:
Fine and enjoying, though it's very odd to work with kids for a change, and much more challenging than I thought it would be.
Yes, stop by one of the bookstores! It's warm here, and rainy.
10:30 PM
Road kill and...wait I'll go back and see what you said,kinda stupid to ask....AH!! Blowtorch! Thanks thanks JW
Watch your top knot...
8:52 PM
My topknot? What the what?
10:48 PM
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