This blog is welcome to anyone and everyone, regardless of race, class, gender, sexual orientation, or political affiliation. Unless you don't like writing short stories or smelling bear. Or if you voted for the other guy. Also, I don't really like it when you leave up the toilet seat, so could you stop doing that? Muchas, muchas gracias.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Dilemma

On Friday I woke early. I went running, and then I rode my bike to Matty's place. After talking for a bit, we walked his dog to the Sutro Baths and sat on a wall. It was so warm out we didn't need jackets, and for the first time in a long while I realized that being alone is kind of great. I like forging ahead without having to accommodate anyone else. Even though lately things have been less than stable, I've been feeling all this power in myself, this capability and drive, this rush of vitality.

But tonight I had a date in The Mission, and my date stood me up, and though I always half-expect to be stood up, I wound up feeling awful about the whole thing. Which, I suppose, means that I do want to date, and I do want to keep searching, because loving and being loved makes everything sweeter.

The busses were all running late, so I wound up walking home from my non-date in the dark, past groups of people already dressed in their Halloween costumes. I was thinking about how love can be insular and stifling. I was thinking about the ways it can stunt your growth.

When I got home I talked to my housemates for a bit, but I was feeling disconnected from everyone, so I went to my room and checked my email. There in my inbox I found a message from a great-looking, bearded botanist who also likes bugs (just my type).

God!

11 Comments:

Blogger Ren said...

It almost reads like the botanist type who also likes bugs is God. I guess He likes bugs. I mean, they're still around and all.

What I'm trying to get at is that life is so unpredictable and yours will surely last long enough that, in the end, on the balance of things, when the chips are down, you won't be alone. You'll have someone... Or something.

1:46 PM

 
Blogger ing said...

ren:

I invoked the deity as a sign of exasperation - dating is a big pain, and just when I was ready to throw in the towel, I got an email from someone cool. I go back and forth in my head about whether or not I really want to put any energy into trying to meet the right person, is what I'm saying. My hope is that the right person will someday find me.

I wish I could stop wondering. . .

7:03 PM

 
Blogger Ren said...

The day you stop wondering is the day you die, Ing. The whole damn thing is one big mystery.

7:07 PM

 
Blogger matty said...

I think ren is on to something there about "mystery" being the key to it all. ...to life and the reason we keep and must push thru it!

i almost called you this morning as i was within walking distance of your house, but was worried you might still be sleepin' like a sexy little lamb.

so, where are the awesome new pix to brighten up your page?!?!?

love you,
me

9:32 PM

 
Blogger ing said...

ren:

Well then, I won't ever give up on wondering because I really don't want to die, ever. Or if I do, I hope it's sudden and unexpected and not for a good long time.

_____________

matty:

Are lambs really sexy? Do they sleep with their mouths open and drool all over their pillows?

You should have called me! I'm an early riser! I might have been out running, is all. I wake up at 6:30 or so, and I'm out of bed by 7 (or 8).

Hmmmm, do you think I should post one of my new pics? I was going to save them for my dating profile. . .

In real life, I just met a pilot at a bar down the street. He was nice, too!

9:49 PM

 
Blogger matty said...

Woo-hoo!!!!

Yes, I would use those awesome pix for both your profile and your blog! So cute and sexy!

3:25 PM

 
Blogger sage said...

Although it hurts to be stood up, in the end, it's your date that lost out.

4:02 AM

 
Blogger josh williams said...

Well ing the botanist sounds like he would be interesting. A botanist as a rule I suspect does not stand up dates.
Pay no attention to my advice so I will proceed no further, do as I say not as I do...I have and do not hang out with the type that stand up dates, skip appointments etc. Part of being a "Stand up man" is that you honor your word and your friends, not stand them up...We have all been their and in my book, botanists are cool. Kind Regards JW

8:58 PM

 
Blogger josh williams said...

I suspect I needed to reread my comment and edit a wee bit...I am flawed and stuff.

9:00 PM

 
Blogger ing said...

matty:

I see you found a use for my head over at your bit of space.

_______________
sage:

Aw, I wasn't going to do much for him anyway. . . I was just going to get a glass of sangria, talk for a bit, and split. Judging by our previous conversations, we didn't have a ton of stuff in common besides liking to exercise & thinking the other was cute. He was one of those guys who loves to argue and debate for the sake of arguing and debating. I don't really enjoy being combative, though I'm trying to exercise that side of myself a little more often. I'd rather take a karate class than get into an argument about art.

____________________

Josh:

Yes, indeedy, botanists are very humble and kind. Especially this one. And did I tell you he has a really cute beard? So far I find his messages very gentle and sweet-sounding. And I have a huge soft spot for men who are interested in the natural world. Especially botanists and etymologists! Adorable!

_____________________

Josh:

Who says you're flawed? You are the Perfect Commander!

_______________

9:48 PM

 
Blogger Miss Pants said...

I'm sorry you were stood up - that is the FUCKING worst. I hate that so many men are inconsiderate. Matty has shared a theory with me before that movies have destroyed men: fat slob treats women like shit, gets the super model. I have to agree. Though, there are decent men out there...they are definitely hard to find.

Friends have always helped me through. I'm glad you have Matty. And a little jealous I'm not in the bay area to piggyback on your friendship. :)

3:31 PM

 

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