Indignity

Indignity #1

I was let go and I lost my job. Bleah.

Indignity #2

Last night I was walking up Haight street when I passed a young guy who was holding a cardboard sign that said "I bet you a dollar you will read this sign." Though I sometimes give a dollar to a young woman who sings, I didn't hand the man my money. I passed him, and when I passed something sharp struck me in the middle of my back. It was the sign. The dude had chucked his sign at me with all his might. I stopped and turned around. He eventually said he was sorry. As if throwing something at me was a complete accident. I told him that he should be sorry, but I didn't feel any better afterwards.

Indignity #3

It wasn't like I wanted to stick my feet in stirrups and have someone poke around at my cervix, which is its own special kind of indignity, though necessary, sure. Nor was I looking forward to having my boobs smashed flat between two metal plates. But I figured I should get this shit taken care of while I have time off.

And OF COURSE when I showed up for my doctor's appointment, I got the usual message that Kaiser Permanente's records still did not show that I am covered. So I spent several hours there in the hospital being told to call various people who would, in turn, tell me a number of conflicting stories about what they did and did not recieve from me, from my ex-employer, from Kaiser, from COBRA. After a certain point I wound up being told to call people I'd already spoken to, the very people who'd already said they couldn't help me.

COBRA has confirmed that they recieved my payment for October 1-31, and the substantial check I wrote them has been cashed. My formet HR person has confirmed that she faxed (& received confirmation that she faxed) proof that I'd made that necessary payment. And Kaiser finally confirmed that they had received all of the necessary paperwork.

Still, though, their computer continues to say that I am not covered, and that is a problem.

During the course of these phone calls I knew I was getting testy, but it's so frustrating to be given the runaround. One of the customer service reps at the COBRA office actually hung up on me (after telling me that I had to get back in line at the Kaiser help desk and, once I made it to the front of the line, ask them once again for help because the Kaiser employee who'd originally "helped" me by giving me COBRA's number? well, she was misinformed).

This is the second time this month that I've had to cancel and reschedule my appointment. I couldn't get another appointment until mid-November. Maybe by then, Kaiser will have updated its computer to say that I have made the October payment that I did indeed make, approximately three weeks ago, a payment that took more than one week's unemployment check to cover. By that time, of course, I will have made my payment for November, and who knows, perhaps I'll be right where I started, having once again paid more than 35% of my current monthly income for coverage that I will not be allowed to use.

Conclusion

Today I feel tapped out. I honestly don't think I have anything in me to give to any other person. I understand that many of us are going through hard times, that many of us are hurting right now, that many of us could use a little help. I wish I could do more, but I simply can't. Not right now. If anyone crosses me today, I will kick her or his ass. I am angry. I am so angry, I can't even express it.

P.S.

But you can still join my commune.