This blog is welcome to anyone and everyone, regardless of race, class, gender, sexual orientation, or political affiliation. Unless you don't like writing short stories or smelling bear. Or if you voted for the other guy. Also, I don't really like it when you leave up the toilet seat, so could you stop doing that? Muchas, muchas gracias.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

The Struggle,

by which I mean the struggle to choose an appropriate screen saver for my dearest Matty, continues to this day, every minute of the day, and every minute I feel that I am older.

I submit for your kind approval several images that I think might suit, and any input from you would be greatly appreciated.

I : Yes, Suri, She's Our Baby!

When I consider the seven weeks I lived in tortuous agony without even realizing it because of the screen saver Matty left on my Mac, the first thing that popped into my mind was Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes. But even I have some standards, and this would be wrong. Because this is the stupidest photographic caption, ever.

II : Shrieking Clown

Has definite potential. . .

III : Heart-Rending Oil Painting Of Weeping Minority Child

I'm not sure, but I wonder if Matty would actually like this one and thus thwart me in my sharkhunt of revenge. . .

IV : Mommy's Little Personality Disorder

This one might prompt some interesting conversations at Sweet Inspirations. . .

V : When A Man Is Through Wrestling With The Problems In The Middle East, A Man Needs To Wrestle A Texan

Sure, it's funny when it's on a refrigerator magnet, but as a screensaver?

VI : Startled, Amazed, And Unrehearsed

As the Shrieking Clown has possibilities, so does this one.


Blogger matty said...

Wow! Excepting the one of the genetically-engineer'd baby/PR Thing which we are to believe is the child of Tommy Cruise and his contractually-obligated girlfriend --- the rest might all be far better than my Goldfrapp wallpaper!!!! I LOVE the weeping Minority Child!?!? Can I have that??!!?

I had a blast hangin' with you and B tonight! I wrote all about it! Wish you had joined us for our adventures in the castro. We got 86'd out of the ice cream place!!! Call Jenny Blowdryer!!!

12:17 AM

Blogger ginab said...

weirdest thing is liza actually looks backwards, like she of all women in the world would be the one to grow a rack on her back!

10:19 AM

Blogger ing said...

So true, Gina, so very true & well-observed. There's something very wrong with her pose, and it has everything to do with the rack.

And Matty, your feedback here is invaluable. I've examined your comments, and upon examination I have renewed my search. Some pictures, I will keep. Some I will excise. Thank you so much for the insights. . . your feedback has given Project S a lot more focus.

10:41 AM

Blogger sage said...

your debates of finding a perfect screen-saver got me to finally install a screen saver on my computer...

7:12 PM

Blogger josh williams said...

I have some odd pictures, I so want to help!

8:19 PM

Blogger Bunyan, Paul Bunyan said...

I'm staying out of this, I smell trouble. You city people I dunno?

8:29 PM

Blogger Bunyan, Paul Bunyan said...

Well shes walking through the clouds
With a circus mind thats running round
Butterflies and zebras
And moonbeams and fairy tales
Thats all she ever thinks about
Riding with the wind.

When Im sad, she comes to me
With a thousand smiles, she gives to me free
Its alright she says its alright
Take anything you want from me, anything

Fly on little wing,
Yeah yeah, yeah, little wing

8:52 PM

Blogger matty said...

Is Mr. Bunyan writing of Liza?

10:42 AM

Blogger ticharu said...

Paul Bunyan says it like it is!

6:55 PM

Blogger lryicsgrl said...

Awe, Ing......I think all these images are so sad, hopeless and, well, quite depressing.
1. Suri, poor dear, and yuck on that play on "yes sir, that's my baby".....blech and double that blech!

2. Shrieking clown....he must have deep rooted fears about small children.....

3. weeping minority child....sad, big old tears....poor Matty, doesn't need to wrench his heart, each time he goes to the computer, does he?

4.Sophie's choice....tsk tsk....make a vow, keep the vow. I hate parents who can't stay together for the sake of the children!!

5.UGGH!!! Hairy beasts!!!

6.Yes, Liza's head is indeed, screwed on backwards!

OK, that was a good exercise.

I can't think of a single thing for my own freaking blog, so, exercise the little tap tap of the fingers on the keypads, here, that may invoke something onto mine. Maybe!

4:42 AM

Blogger ing said...

What is it, Sage -- a gila monster, or an ironwood tree?



I know you have these pictures you mention, but I've seen one too many images of your family reunions, your projects to beautify the world through the application of duct tape, motocross bikes, and your huge slumbering head. Do you have anything less personally revealing of the entrepreneurial Josh Williams, Tangential Book Reviewer?



Did you forget the time you were three and wrassled a bear and lost your sense of smell? It's in all the books and songs.



Ummmmmmmmm, I don't think so.



You're a huge fan, I see. You like flapjacks? I imagine if you want to stalk Paul Bunyan you better learn to love flapjacks.



Oh, I didn't mean to depress you! I have kind of a messed-up sense of humor, and I guess I find images like shrieking clowns such an exaggeration that they overshoot our genuine feelings and land somewhere in the realm of funniness. Which (to me) is true of the Weeping Child. In my mind this painting is an exaggeration of how we really feel sometimes that borrows much too heavily from current popular culture.

Rest assured I would never, ever, in a million years give Matty something that might potentially depress him. I was pleased as punch every time I saw that picture Matty and B stuck on my screensaver because every time I saw it, I thought of Matty.

I don't, however, condone messing with Beck, but Beck is back on my screen.

8:25 PM

Blogger Bunyan, Paul Bunyan said...

How did you know I lost most of my sense of smell? Oh how I love me some flapjacks and tabasco syrup! PB

9:13 PM

Blogger BurdockBoy said...

All of those images are far too disturbing. At least there wasn't an image of a naked Tom Cruise wrestling Bush dressed up like a crying clown. That would be the worst.

7:58 PM

Blogger matty said...

Ing, can I have a screen saver of a naked Tom Cruise wrestling Bush dressed up like a crying clown?!?!?!


...are you still struggling?

9:10 PM

Blogger Me said...

Oh, NOT Suri.
I say the shrieking clown or Liza. Oh wait, I'm confused which is which? Is Liza the one with the crazy face paint and mad barbituate laced gleam in her eye? Or the one with the scary, waxen, discarded Barbie doll cleavage?

11:01 PM

Blogger Karyn said...

I vote Liza. The rest were terrifying, especially the one with that creepy little baby and Tom Cruise and Suri.

12:33 PM

Blogger Metalchick said...

Yikes! I can't decide which picture is creepier! Bush & Cheney wrestling, or Liza Minelli!

11:38 PM


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