This blog is welcome to anyone and everyone, regardless of race, class, gender, sexual orientation, or political affiliation. Unless you don't like writing short stories or smelling bear. Or if you voted for the other guy. Also, I don't really like it when you leave up the toilet seat, so could you stop doing that? Muchas, muchas gracias.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

These Days I'm So Burdened With Secrets

that at the end of the day, I'm weary.

And weary at the end of this day, I replaced the deadly surprise that was, seven weeks ago, my new tiled screensaver:


This is the vision that has assaulted my corneas for nearly seven weeks now.

Seven weeks ago, Matty had the image downloaded to my preferences and then onto the screen of my Mac. Those who met me in San Quentin know that seven weeks is no picnic. And so I struggle with the decision of which precise image I will download onto Matty's screen (I've narrowed it down to three choices) as soon as I get the chance.1

But then, for a moment, I quit struggling. And I consider that Matty loves this image almost as much as Barbra does. He graced me with it only because he thought it would enrich my life. So in a manner of speaking, it appeared on my screen not as the mere result of a google® search. No, it originated -- right in the most nourishing corner of my friend's dear heart. Then, buoyed by the warm wind of love, it sailed away to land on my desktop, germinate, stretch, and then burgeon onto my Mac, its blossom a starfish uncurling. I believe it was Barbra who sang that love is a many-splendored thing2.

Still, Matty's pretty dead set on the notion of me taking my laptop out on the town instead of composing here, in my chair3. The thing is, I don't adjust my beret just right and then set off to write in cafés, smoking cloves in long, peculiar holders -- I DON'T DO THIS in order that I will meet another gay man who has a sense of humor very similar to mine (there is none other). But this new screensaver would seem to imply just that to the many men who let their eyes slide up my legs before checking out my desktop. Nor do I want this image to blind every person in the Valencia district, where I imagine they would confront me en masse, angrily brandishing their white canes, and unburden me of my life's savings.

So I replaced it with the image of a man who wears his soul on his face like a sailor wears a beard. I'm speaking, of course, of My Future Husband.


Which leads me to my main point: Beck and I are running away to the Cayman Islands. We might be a little afraid to swim with the stingrays, but that won't matter, because together we will be looking at the viewer, soulfully, wearing our matching pea coats. And guess what! You can accompany us to the Caymans, where we'll live a life of adventure and coconut-splitting. Yes, we'll all be at peace because we (that is, you all, me, and Beck) know there's too much fighting in this world.

Please keep this news to yourself, and don't tell anyone that I'm too lazy to change my screen saver every two months. Unburdening feels absolutely wonderful. Don't, for god's sake, bum my high.

---------------------------

1Which I will.
2a many-tentacled thing, I would add, in the guise of a flower
3which is large, and ever-shifting, and full of beans

Speaking of Matty, you might want to scroll down to September 10th, because Matty does some fine writing on his BEST GAY BLOG!

CLICK, PLEASE

20 Comments:

Blogger lryicsgrl said...

Oh, thank you for inviting us all to the Cayman Islands with you. But, I've been to Grand Cayman, and it is a bit like living in Apartied. Not a single dark skinned person. Very strange, very sinister. But, I am probably the only white person, who even noticed this about that island. I am a downer, aren't I? Anyway, could you change it to Anguilla? The island people are sooo lovely there, and they live nicely, so I don't feel guilty about enjoying myself.
I am hopeless, I know.
And, thank goodness you were able to find your words when you met your future husband..unlike Moi....."DUH", would have been better!!

xoSue

2:33 PM

 
Blogger ing said...

Oh dear, between myself and My Future Husband, I'm afraid the Grand Caymans would be blindingly, blindingly white. Yes, by all means, let's go to Anguilla instead. I will follow your lead, Sue.

I admit that I was a little tongue-tied the first time I met Beck. But because of our psychic connection, we communicated with our minds, bodies, and hearts long before we made our first sacred utterances to one another.

2:52 PM

 
Blogger matty said...

Wow! I was thinking you somehow hadn't even noticed I did that. ...actually, B did it for me. I am too tech stupid to do it on my own. I think the Barbra image will make you appear hip and oh-so-clever. However, I know you love you soon-to-be hubby.

By the way, I have my Goldfrapp screen saver sealed and locked! Ha! Ha!

Oh, and sweetie, Barbra NEVER sang that song! She did, however, sing that love is an easy chair.

kisses with glitter surprises!
matty

4:56 PM

 
Blogger ing said...

Matty, if your boyfriend is so tech-savvy, I'm sure I can win him over to my side.

And I will.

5:38 PM

 
Blogger josh williams said...

Beck...Smeck.Thats all I have to say.

8:41 PM

 
Blogger ing said...

Someone here is verrrry jealous. . .

Beck doesn't have a jealousy thing. He's extremely attuned.

10:06 PM

 
Blogger ticharu said...

Those are some pretty dark secrets Ing, my ears are burning! Or is my eyes???
I've been told by certain glamorous females that I bear a striking resemblance to Mr. Beck when I'm wearing heals and make-up. I don't know, I think they were drunk, but I just played along anyway.
Why run off to an island though, that's what I'm wondering... why not go to New Orleans and squat in a vacant building? And write about government agents conducting secret mind control experiments from an ajacent building and the hippies who are trying to thwart the evil doers by having orgies on the full moon and smoking hash and listening to Dark Side Of The Moon with The Wizard Of Oz on 101 televisions and how Beck (alias Ticharu) shows up one day to give a concert and ONLY charges $150.00 a ticket but the mind control secret police raid his dressing room just before the show and find... well, I wouldn't want to give away the ending now would I?

4:53 AM

 
Blogger purplesimon said...

Yes, to all those things. Whatever they were. I read the post but I can't quite get the words together to appraise it.

Why? I clicked that link and it's made everyone in my office stare at me, wondering why I'm wearing a wedding ring and wondering if it's a smoke screen.

What do I tell me wife?

purplesimon out...

5:14 AM

 
Blogger matty said...

I was just listening to Midnite Vultures on my way home from the disco office last night!

I've proto-kryp'd my Goldfrapp wallpaper! Only a Super Hero or Uma Thurman could crack the code! ...or, so I am told.

Poor Purplesimon! Look what you're secrets have done to him! LOL!

Purplesimon -- I suggest that you don't say a word. People love a bit of mystery and gossip. Your popularity will soar to even higher ranks!!

6:37 AM

 
Blogger Becky..Absent Minded Housewife said...

I often change my wallpaper to images I know will make my husband smirk. Ahhh...marriage.

I came over because of your mention of how people find your blog on thereiam. Nothing draws a person toward you like bodily fluids. ewww.

8:14 AM

 
Blogger crabcake said...

Yeegads, Barbara and Beck all in the same post. You two are killing me. LMAO!

How does Matty feel about Celine Dion? I take such heat over her. sigh.

Beck? Ing! still?

That's ok, kiddo. Love is a strange thing. But, Beck???? LMAO!

9:58 AM

 
Blogger crabcake said...

PS. Ing, I just got a mail back from Yahoo saying I was blocked from your mail for abuse? HUH? Ok, I'm confused now. I didn't send any mail and I haven't abused anyone but that roast last night (who totally had it coming)

10:02 AM

 
Blogger sage said...

A pea coat in the Cayman island? no thanks.

One of my favorite sights is to experience a tree on a ridge, from deep in a canyon, that is backlite by the sun. Light rims the tree, for just a few seconds, maybe a minute, and I feel blessed to have witnessed it. Mortal Stars, rimmed by artifical light, appear silly. Barb, have your photographer turn down that backlighting. However, tip your photographer big time. He or she has done wonders with your nose. Remember, the way it were...

1:43 PM

 
Blogger ing said...

ticharu, hun, you're very handsome, but it takes a lot more than heels and makeup. I'm afraid they were a little drunk.

As for your second question, part one, about why an island?:

A: Because it is warm and you can hear the wind and it's rimmed with green waters. Because on an island you can be alone, even when you're together. Because in every direction either of you look in, you can see a horizon.

And part two about the CIA and so forth:

A: Because my future husband is not Philip K. Dick. My Future Husband is Beck.

____________

Purps,

you are funny! I recieved your message about the rumor in re: abuse. I don't understand why the Republicans continue to call this abuse.

_____________

matt:

Ummmmmm, One Foot In The Grave!!!!! Stereopathetic Soul Manure!!!! Weedeaters!!!!!! Banjos!!!!!! Answering machines!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!

!!!!!

!!!

!

And yes, Matty, I see you have listed two possibilities, in terms of your silly "proto-kryp'ping," a term that does not occur in my copy of the current revised (09/2006) edition of the Oxford Handbook Of Computer And Computer-Related Terms. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, cuuuuuurious.

(It's true about mystery and popularity, yes.)

______________

becky:

Ahh, the human obsession with all things exuded. . . It brings to mind my idyllic childhood in the Swiss Alps.

________________

crabcake:

Celine: NO. I'm sorry, but no.

I dunno what's up with all the abuse emails. I got one for self-abuse when I posted to this site.

I'm guessing it's the Republicans. Or Philip K. Dick.

_________________

sage:

Beck will change into his shorts when he's off-duty. I will wear a pair of his cutoffs. (We share clothes sometimes.)

And yes, a thing seen under the sky and the sun is a thing of beauty, light years better than a thing seen in a photography studio. But I've always loved Barbra's nose. I've always thought it was a thing of beauty.

8:24 PM

 
Blogger josh williams said...

Me Jealous? ing I think "Beg" is filling your head with junk! I read this in a highly regarded trade magazine.Then the cad called me telling me to back off, I said no shut up and he said you shut up and well I forget the rest but it was pretty rough talk going on let me tell you.

9:31 PM

 
Blogger matty said...

Ing -- Oh, I make up my own words from time to time. It is the healthy thing to do.

I used to LOVE Celine Dion. But, then she had a baby and started singing about it all the time. However, I still play a couple of her CD's! (shhhhhhh --- it's a secret. Don't tell anyone!

Oh, and Ing kinda loves that duet Celine did with Barbra -- really. She has the CD! I was with her when she found -- uh, bought it. She plays it all of the time!

(I think I am really getting myself in deep and I still don't know what Project S is)

but, I've been known to live on the edges.

9:33 PM

 
Blogger matty said...

Oh, and can you fit me in your suitcase when you leave for vacation?!?!? wahhhhhh!!!! ...you know, i've not had a vacation since 2004. Wait. Does being unemployed for 6 months count? I don't think so.

9:34 PM

 
Blogger ginab said...

Placed a Speigel catalogue on the table in the kitchen at work just this morning, and what did I see first inside its flashy and forlorn posed pages? A kiwi peacoat.

How the woman wrapped herself in kiwi I don't know. She appears peachy in the double-breasted kiwi peacoat though and that's all that matters.

you will too!

-ginab

10:15 PM

 
Blogger Labbie said...

And here I thought Beck was out of the picture... I like him. He speaks Spanish.

5:44 AM

 
Blogger Me said...

oh, and you say he tiled it no less, many little versions of Barbra and poor bloated Barry. You might need laser surgery after allowing your eyes to endure that for so long.

10:55 PM

 

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