This blog is welcome to anyone and everyone, regardless of race, class, gender, sexual orientation, or political affiliation. Unless you don't like writing short stories or smelling bear. Or if you voted for the other guy. Also, I don't really like it when you leave up the toilet seat, so could you stop doing that? Muchas, muchas gracias.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006


Here is a picture of the signs me made for the fiction section in the bookstore. Me likes fiction, a great deal. Me sits in me's room, in a beanbag chair perfectly molded to me's rounded spine and wonders,1 "How could me even dream of writing as well as [insert author featured in The New Yorker.]?

Me's not all bad. Me sometimes marvels at an image or pauses to look up and curse when something me's reading is really really good. Heck, me just gave money to a canvasser for Environment California. Isn't it nice that me cares about global warming and the erosion of the California coast?

But back to me, who as I said sits in me's chair with me's rounded spine, reading. Me should really spend time doing yoga stretches and me knows it, since me spends me's days climbing up and down ladders, lifting boxes, and shelving The Oxford English where it belongs, up high. Me has tired feet and tight shoulders.

Me thinks me looks frumpy in this photograph of me.

Yes, me should go to the gym. Me, however, likes spending time alone with me. "Me might benefit from a yoga DVD," me thinks.

Me doesn't realize it yet but me's getting the boot because I am getting sick of me.


1Since me spends a lot of time with me, me "wonders" and "thinks" a lot, as opposed to "says".


Blogger purplesimon said...

You nutter, Ing!

Signs look fantabulous, but that skirt don't do nowt for yer.

Your legs deserve better.

purplesimon out...

11:25 PM

Blogger Niel said...

You should patent the super-intriguing "me-post". works.

And yeah, those New Yorker regulars get me worked up just as often as they get me excited about their books.

6:19 AM

Blogger ginab said...

Me thinks me looks insty-teansy here in the pic of me. EAT the California coastline, would you please?

And me looks smart. I look like a bitch. Mega sign of ignorance. And then there's my adage: appearance smearance.



7:21 AM

Blogger sage said...

me thinks thee should hid in the bookstore in a beanbag chair as long as SF has drivers on the loose who have OD on Dirty Harry videos.

3:16 PM

Blogger matty said...

Oh, Ing. How can you not see YOU?!?!? I guess none of us really sees ourselves. But, babe, you look fucking awesome in that picture!!!! I have yet to see you look messy or out of style. You always rock. And, you're a charm to be around. You can always make me smile and feel good about me -- and you have that impact on all around you. I've seen you light up your customers.

Now, I wanna see this bean bag and the new apartment. When's the party?

Are you coming to the beach with us this long weekend at all?!?

Oh, I wouldn't worry with the California coastline. It seems destined to fade away. Besides I feel the call of Canada --- I am becoming very sad by our country. sigh.

Me grows tired of the US and our leaders but not of magical Ing!

You should be picking up your way hot glasses right about now!!!!

6:07 PM

Blogger ing said...

Purps, I agree with you on the skirt. Loretta Lynn said this:

If you like them painted up,
powdered up,
then you're gonna be glad
because your good girl's
gonna go baaaad.

I don't have any of this "powder," but my legs deserve something and it ain't that skirt.



Well, it was very intriguing, to me, but I sort of predicted that.

Richard Ford had a good one in The New Yorker just recently. . . I'd curse him, if he wasn't so damn handsome.



The funny part is that I've gained about seven pounds since last year's crazy stress-loss.

You do not look like a bitch. You look like someone on vacation. Appearance shmearance, okay. My appearance hasn't done much for me anyway, so I might as well emphasize my sparkling personality.



Oh, I would never hide out. I would never give in to that. No sir. Go ahead, I say, run me down. I'm going bad.



T'anks. My mom thinks I'm very attractive, too. You have mom-eyes.

The party. . . the party. . . I think I need a leetle bit more time. I'm short on shelving and long on books. I'm afraid my guests would be sad that there is nowhere to sit and reading material all over the damn place.

I wish I could come to the beach, but I'm working nonstop!!! Don't forget, though, Trachtenburgs on Monday.

As for the coast, it wouldn't disappear at this rate if it wasn't for global warming, or so the canvasser told me. Perhaps my small contribution will prevent global warming altogether! You think?

DO NOT MOVE TO CANADA. I'm warning you. . .

Oh god, I spaced on the glasses thing! I had to train the new guy and make sure my signs were perfect and put up a beautiful window display of Modern Libraries. It all had to be absolutely perfect, it just had to be. Arrrrgh!

6:35 PM

Blogger lryicsgrl said...

me thinks you are crazy girl, but me agrees with you...I feel frumpy, too!

I am a fat skinny person....does make sense, when one starts to age, forgets to exercise, and lives on burritos and funny bones............


7:43 PM

Blogger matty said...

I was wondering when the show was! LOL!

I don't have mom eyes. I have my eyes and I know what I see! And, you're fabulous.

Ok. No party for now, but I wanna see the bean bag chair and play with your books. I could dis-arrange them and force you to "let it loose!", I would not do that to you. I would help you organize.


8:27 AM

Blogger sage said...

short on shelving and long on books--I gotta remember that line

9:06 AM

Blogger MilkMaid said...

Oh me looks cute as a button. NO really, me does.

3:40 PM

Blogger lryicsgrl said...


7:09 PM

Blogger ing said...


I knew right from the start what you meant!! Don't you worry. And I really do think the look me was sporting that day was sort of unflattering. I try, occasionally, to dress according to how I think a lady of my age should dress, but as you can maybe see, me doesn't get it. I need to be I, and everyone else had better get used to it. Still, I think all this is a result of self-absorption. I have birthdays to remember and friends to move to the top of my list of priorities. Sometimes, though, all me wants to do is write stuff about me and hide out.

I, too, am a fat skinny person. I have to stop it before I go to seed. There's no reason on earth. . .



You are not only fabulous, but fantastic fab.

You are allowed to mess with my books. And from what I know of you, you'd put them back, after dusting them for me. You are a tidy person. I'm an untidy tidy person.



Oh what I wouldn't give for a handsome carpenter who knows how to build bookshelves! Alas, alas.



And I like-a your vodka. Pour me a drink?


And one more thing, Lzy:

But but but but but but but you look so glam in your photo!

Okay, peeps, I have to get back to work. First, though, I need to check out what's happening over at bone-eye's.

7:38 PM

Blogger Me said...

I think Ing looks fabulous
AND incredibly well read
AND alphabetized...

8:59 PM

Blogger ginab said...


those boots make me
want to

10:11 PM

Blogger matty said...

I really like that look you are sporting in the picture. It is very cool chic.

ok. i'm on my way to tidy up your place, dust your books and sit in that bean bag chair and day dream of all things goldfrapp and sexy.

Hey, did you get one of those $400 bean bags that were so big and comfortable?

10:52 AM

Blogger Labbie said...

Remind me to look you up when I go to San Francisco. I was told to go to San Francisco once, but I have to leave before "soft it makes me".

BTW - Did you miss me?

1:27 PM

Blogger matty said...

the signage and the window were magical!

3:56 PM

Blogger Brookelina said...

Frumpy? Have you ever actually looked up the word frumpy? If you do it will no doubt read, "frumpy: what Ing is NOT."

8:14 AM

Blogger lryicsgrl said...

oh Ing,
I am GLAM on the outside, just kinda of frumpy on the inside, you know?

Example: My hairdresser showed me XXXplicit pictures from her sister's bachelorette party...and boy, was I grossed out and found it completely, not that even in my craziest of youthful days, would I go to a male stripper club....but, yegads, I couldn't even muster a FAKE giggle, just to go along., then we are at a big party, where there are male dancers, (not stripping, just motivating folks to the dance floor) and all the ladies are oohing and ahhing, I'm like, duh, the old mister of mine looks better than that, but my friends turn to me, and say, yeah but, it's fun to flirt with these guys. It is??? I wonder? Am I...frumpy is as frumpy does?

1:54 PM

Blogger ing said...



Well, I think you're lovely and cool. And I hear you might be coming to SF?



They make me wanna STOMP!



Okay, I'm sprinkling dust everywhere, in preparation. Dust and dander. And a chocolate cake.



What the heck is "soft" about San Fran? Surely you have not seen some of the 'hoods around here. . . Stay away from the Tenderloin.



Magical only because of you, baby.



Sometimes it's a state of mind, though. Sometimes I feel like a frump. Not always.



Never fake-giggle! Only a true frump would do that. And your mister must be something!!

4:47 PM


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