This blog is welcome to anyone and everyone, regardless of race, class, gender, sexual orientation, or political affiliation. Unless you don't like writing short stories or smelling bear. Or if you voted for the other guy. Also, I don't really like it when you leave up the toilet seat, so could you stop doing that? Muchas, muchas gracias.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Five Things You Should Know About Ing

First, I'm sorry not to tag anyone back just yet, but before I'd even consider doing so, I need to know if this is a bad-luck-good-luck situation. If there's the remotest possibility that if someone breaks the chain they will have bad luck (I'm a weensy bit superstitious), I won't risk continuing the process.


I don't read novels because I can't stand interrupting a story before I've finished it. So I'll stay up all night, skip meals, and hold my pee until I simply can't hold it any longer before I'll put down an unfinished novel. If I have to interrupt the story in order to go to work, I'll be grouchy about it all day and maybe even rude to the customers who ask me about which novels I recommend they read. And then after work, coming back to the story after pausing for so long -- well, it diminishes the book in some very important way.


I hate washing my hair and only do it for everyone else's benefit. My hair is longish and I'm keeping it that way, but it takes forever to dry. It's also a little curly and blowdrying turns it to frizz.


I'm scared of the vacuum cleaner. It's the noise it makes, I think. Same with the blowdryer and the bathroom fan. When I was little I used to scare myself by imagining that the devil was sneaking up on me, from behind. If the vacuum, for instance, was running, I'd never hear him.


Do not touch my eye!


Today at work it was really slow and I was alone in the bookstore sitting next to the space heater. I spent like thirty minutes looking out the window at the traffic; the lights in the apartments and shops across the street; people in hats either walking their dogs or walking without dogs, quickly, with their hands shoved deep into their vest pockets; the quaint little street signs on their quaint little poles. And I was thinking about men who've entered and exited and re-entered my life. I was thinking about how nice it would be to live in my own apartment. I was wondering about Austin, TX. I was thinking about you.


Blogger matty said...

Sometimes, like today -- when I've had a REALLY bad day I find myself daydreaming of jumping in a car and just driving till the car won't run anymore. And, that place will be where I am meant to be. Other times I think about the many odd choices I make in life and wonder if I should try to be more practical. More grown up. Then I think about this guy who recently turned my world upside down. Let's call him "Benny" --- and, even tho Benny made everything so cool, I sorta wish I hadn't met him. I wonder if it is really better to experience the ultimate in cool even for a little while than never at all.

...but most of the time, I just sit touching my eye and flipping the blow dryer on and off. (not really, but I your post got me to thinking and then I got far too serious) ...however, I have gotten the urge to vaccum.

1:36 AM

Blogger ing said...

Me too, with the car, but gaw! What if you wound up in Alabama or something!

I go back and forth on the "practical" question myself. I had an experience a few months ago that was both very exicting and ultimately heinous. Now it's (he's) come back to haunt me and I'm having very mixed feelings. I sorta wish I hadn't met him.

Are you touching your eye in your pic? Do not touch mine!

1:44 AM

Blogger DorianGray1854 said...

I heart novels, I am one-- it does suck having to put them down. Watching people is fun: Is it just me or does the vast majority of people in SF wear black all the time?

6:58 AM

Blogger ginab said...

Who-B You-B, mizz mysterious? I hate washing my hair too. I hate bathing of any kind. I can smell myself in the future, like when I'm seventy: sour dirt. I am reading another novel by Winterson because I won't hold my pee for anyone. In it, her Dog-woman wears the same dress for five years.


PS: my first impression of SF is that people do wear mainly black there. Mainly on the Bay ...


7:19 AM

Blogger wallycrawler said...

Me , I love to touch my eyes . I'm touching them right now ..."Ahhh nice" ! Eye love that's what I'm into .

I don't think it's weird to think about stuff when your bored in a retail store . Man that's way normal ! And to question where you are in life and former lovers ...that's my life baby !

The car thing , don't drive south , drive north . We would love to have some normal thinking people up here !

The reading thing & the hair : Make it a point to read only in the bath tub that way you could read and wash that matty hair of yours at the same time . "Now that is weird and quite disgusting" ! Wash your hair and maybe you could find some hot "new" guy ?

Ginab : What's with you ? You look kind'a hot ! "Funny how a picture can fool ya" ! "WASH , DAILY" ! Hehe . There was a guy in our area who didn't change his socks for over a year . He had to have his socks cut off and along with the socks all his skin came off . "F'n nasty" ! I heard he made the head nurse puke at the smell .

9:15 AM

Blogger matty said...

Oh, Ing these men are killin' us!

...if I ended up in Alabama I would just hitch hike right out. Hope I don't offend anyone. But, you know -- I grew up not too far from there and I always felt that there was just no excuse for that state. None.

However I would ensure I did not drive in that direction.

No, I was only writing that in jest. I can't touch my eye or I would be wearing contacts!

I don't think people in SF wear a lot of black. At least not that I've noticed, but I lived in Boston for 14 years. People here are MUCH more laid back and easy going!

9:19 AM

Blogger kellywalters said...

holy shitmonkeys..


seriously.. wow..

I like to look out the window too..

I freak out when people try to touch my feet!

10:10 AM

Blogger ginab said...

wallygaggle, learn to read. I wrote that I don't like to take a bath, in so many words. You confused my habits with those of a fictional character.

And in the end, all because you read wrong or upside or ego bound, you made me sick.

11:28 AM

Blogger ticharu said...

I freak out when people try to touch my guitar!

11:45 AM

Blogger josh williams said...

I have eight books I am in the middle of starting or almost finished.Plus Erin Obriens Novel. JW

12:35 PM

Blogger jungle jane said...

Ing there is room to move on the novel thing. Stay with me on this. Aside from going to work it is entirely possible to function normally and read a novel at the same time. You see tourists employing the same theory of movement and double concentration all the time as they enjoy their holiday with a video camero stuck to their face.

Surely you can pee and read at the same time?

I suggest that you start with smaller, paperback novels that can sit comfortably in one hand and are light enough to not cause cramping...

12:38 PM

Blogger ginab said...

The library here at the university where I blog from (he-he) is trying to make me pay for a book I did not and I would not steal. What do I want with Barbara Cully? Nothing. I returned the thing, along with a they want to eek out nintey smackeroos for a missing Cully. Makes me want to pee and pee and never hesitate.

I'm in the middle of reading Sexing the Cherry.


12:41 PM

Blogger Captain Carl said...

AAARRRR......The Capt be touchin yer eyes right now with his ghostly hands....touch, touch.....touch

2:32 PM

Blogger crabcake said...

Ing! what's that sound? It's getting louder and louder. Do you ......bjjjjjjzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzhhhhhhhhhh

Edads and gadzooks! It's hell's vaccum cleaner. RUN! RUN FOR ALL YOUR WORTH.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha!

Somebody tell me when she comes back so I can do that again.

2:57 PM

Blogger lryicsgrl said...

I'm with you on the hair washing. Have you tried a Hot Iron? It damages the hair, but flattens the frizz. It is a conundrum. To use the iron or not use the iron? I use the IRON!
And, I HATE the sound of a vacuum. It sends me into a turrets-like (NOT A WORD) frenzy.
Do you also hate that loud music they play in some stores?? I'm like a 80 year old lady. I've been known to scream, to no one in particular, in the middle of an Abercrombie store; "turn that music down". No one but my poor kids, hear me. When I complain to the cashier, it falls on definetely deaf from all that loud music, ears.
BTW, my poor hubby has a nasty sty on his eye. UGGH, I will certainly not touch HIS eye. But, I will place a well warmed cloth upon it. Poor dear.

5:58 PM

Blogger lryicsgrl said...

oysheesh the spelling....sorry!

5:59 PM

Blogger FLAMINGO1 said...

I liked number 5 and wonder who that silly person in Austin is.

I am glad I stumbled onto your site.

8:25 PM

Blogger ginab said...

Another detail Ing you missed: she has tiny pinky fingers.

9:37 PM

Blogger ginab said...

Am I drunk or am I tired?

Another thing you should know:
Ing has tiny pinky fingers.

9:38 PM

Blogger Bloodgood said...

Thanks again for the David Byrne link, he is awesome. I was disappointed with his 20 cds that suck. I love My Morning Jacket and I thought Imogen Heap was pretty good based on the songs I've heard. The rest of the list was pretty accurate.
The Artwork that he posted with the Mushrooms was awesome too!

10:46 PM

Blogger ing said...


That's not San Francisco, that's the Vampire cult you've been frequenting.


I can smell myself in the future, too. I have extrasensory persnifftion.


Oh, do they call those your "eyes" in Canada?


Killin' us just to bring us back to life so they can kill us again. Hey, Dorian, want to go out? I'm a vampire, too.


Me too, on the feet. I had acupuncture for a while, but ew! I couldn't stand the needles in the feet. Ugh!




Really? I tend to guitar out when people try to touch my freak. Let's jam!


Please, man, I'm jonesing for a review. C'mon. It's your patriotic duty.


I usually can't pee and read at the same time unless I'm reading one of your postings. You're going to have to help me with this one. I'm sort of conditioned to this.


Look, could you not sex the cherry on my blog? I'm trying to keep things clean over here.


Are you sure you're dead? Because okay, go ahead and haunt me. Arrr all you want to. Wave your ghosty hands around. But if you touch my eye. . .

Look. Do not touch my eye.




Ohh no, no hot irons or blow dryers for my delicate locks!

I'm afraid I work in a store that's full of loud music, which I sort of put on the stereo.

Say hi to sty eye for me! Hope he gets well soon and that your hand doesn't slip while applying the wash cloth (hee hee).


All the better to extend while holding a tiny tea cup on a Sunday afternoon, sitting at my tiny doll-table, swinging my short little legs.

11:10 PM

Blogger ing said...

By the way, I just finished updating my curriculum vitae, and babies, it is beautiful! Woo!

11:25 PM

Blogger matty said...

i can't sleep. ...way too much diet coke at dinner tonight. milford took me to a cool place that was either in the mission, soma or the outlying castro area. i don't remember the name of it. It was on velencia, was dark, loud and had really good expensive food.

Have you tried it? Really quite good!

1:57 AM

Blogger Bill the Apostle said...

Fuck..I like you more than ever. I'm glad you dont wash your hair and shit like that.

I can't sleep. All i can do is think about you and carve your name in my leg with a steak knife

3:06 AM

Blogger Seychelle said...

Austin... hmm... a cool place, but then your hair might be a little more on the frizzy side -- that is if you don't mind that sort of thing. Years ago, I used to sit in the art gallery where I worked watching the world go by (some walked into my little ol' space while others gave nary a nod) and then it dawned on me, what the hell am I sitting here for when I could be painting, living, traveling, and so I mosied on out without ever taking a backward glance. What the hell does it mean? I don't know. I once got shampoo in my eyes. It stings! As for a wisp of wind, I can deal with that. We are oh so delicate, aren't we?

3:44 AM

Blogger ticharu said...

Really Ing I'd love to jam!
Dripping black raspberry strawberry plum preserves, wicked cherry jelly apple butter fruit spread, delicious loganberries and apricot, peach and mango, and very hot grape.

You bring the crumpets!

3:59 AM

Blogger josh williams said...

I had an idea for a review. I jotted it down, so thats my next project. I'll be working alot so it may take a bit, but rest assured I'm cracking my knuckles ready to torture the keyboard! JW

6:59 AM

Blogger ing said...


That place? Oh, yeah, I've been there a million times. Hey, sometime I'm taking you to Emmy's Spaghetti Shack. You can get a plate of spaghetti for about $7. Or is pasta off your list.

And wait! Is that a soul patch I see?


Bill, sweets:

I like you too, babycakes. But why don't you just get my name tattooed on your tongue like most guys do? I don't want to have to take you to the hosp. for tetanus again (though I do love it when you bend over for the shot. . .)



So Austin's kind of humid, I take it. Ginab and I are going to check it out in a couple of months. I've seen pictures & I wasn't too impressed, but Vic Chesnutt's from there. . .



And a little honey to make it all smooth. I'm on it.

{Raspberry strawberry, lemon and lime, what do I get? Blueberry apple cherry pumpkin and plum, call me for dinner honey, I'll be there]


You're such a hardworking writer! Josh, do you wear shirtsleeves? (I always imagine that crack writers wear shirt sleeves and horn rims.)

8:04 AM

Blogger blog Portland said...

I'm pretty sure Austin is my favorite city in the U.S. Sixth Street is like Disneyworld for adults, which says a lot if you know that I also love Disneyworld.

9:45 AM

Blogger matty said...

I'll eat any meal if it costs me under $8!!!! No soul patch as of yet. For now, I think I am growing the gotee back cuz I hate shaving!

Counting it down to Roller Disco Fever!!

Hey, the policeman from The Villiage People is in big trouble and facing prison if they can find him! Would not want to be him in a prison wash room. Man! His dance card is going to get booked fast! AND -- he's apparently been living in Daly City. I say we go find him and help him escape! ...but only if he will do all those fancy moves from YMCA for us. Up for it?

11:00 AM

Blogger wallycrawler said...

My favorite city in the USA is Key West . I've never been to Texas yet but I'm look'n forward to seeing it next year .
Austin does like kind'a cool .

4:24 PM

Blogger josh williams said...

What civilized man does not wear shirt sleeves? I have a white color on my tailored shirt and of course a thin tie. No pants. JW

To tired to wrench out a review but not so tired as not to comment. I had a soul patch but made some money and now I'm well heeled. badum bum bum.

7:27 PM

Blogger Bill the Apostle said...

I did the tongue thing. It hurt almost as much as your absence from my life.

Fuck me

11:31 AM

Blogger Captain Carl said...

ARRRR....Patrick Swayze has nothing on me..........touch, touch, touch..........

12:30 PM

Blogger Gorgs said...

Bill, dude, you got to teach me how to pull the hotties like you, yo.

7:15 PM

Blogger purplesimon said...

Okay, 1,2 and 3 are things I personally can't get my head around, but then again I love some things that most other people don't. Isn't it great that we're not all the same?

I think it is.

Number 4. I dont' think I need say anything more about it. DON'T TOUCH MYFUCKING EYE is more likely to be my response.

Number 5. You work in a bookstore? Don't you mean heaven?

Okay, bookstores are like the best invention after books themselves. Oh joy. I can never walk past a bookstore and not buy something. I can't get an Amazon account because I will bankrupt myself.

If I ever worked in a bookstore, I'd probably get no wages having spent them on books. The only way I could stop buying books is if I stopped reading them. Maybe number 1 does have its appealing side to it?

purplesimon out...

7:25 AM

Blogger ginab said...

Hey there Simon, don't purchase books through You'll put the small bookstore out of business, dove, and by your own words here I doubt you want to do that.

Another important thing you should know about Ing: she's an excellent cook.

9:17 AM

Blogger ing said...

blog portland:

So the ears, I take it, make you the Adult Mickey Mouse. Do you have any pics of the Adult Minnie? And have you ever had an Alien Encounter up there on Adult Space Mountain?



I'm soo up for it, but
1. Can I smoke and rescue at the same time?
2. This really sounds like something Josh Williams could help us with. You don't mind if I recruit him, do you?
3. Will you please stop stealing my socks?



My favorite city in the USA is Toronto.



I'm so touched that when you're exhausted you favor commenting over putting on your jodhpurs. I hope there's not a correlation in there somewhere, though.



Baby, I told you the door was unlocked. You keep trying to break in through the windows. . . Windows are for peeping, not for entering. Didn't your mom teach you any manners?

Never mind. I like you uncouth. Your tongue will heal up, and when it does you can get another tattoo, and another, and another.



Ghost ye may be, but Arrr, ye haven't then gotten yerself an eyeful of Swayze in Skatetown USA, or ye wouldn't be boastin' as ye do.



Try putting on some jodhpurs. You could borrow Josh's -- they're draped across the back of his chair. The ladies will flock to you, guaranteed.



Yeah, I spend a ton of money on books. It's the best job in the world, but the pay is another matter.



So true about Amazon, though B&N and Border's are the real culprits. The independents can sell their overstock/collectibles on Amazon when they have specialty stuff that people in the neighborhood don't want to buy.

Ahh, to cook again. I LOVE cooking, but I guess I feel funny doing it in the roommate's kitchen.

12:43 PM

Blogger josh williams said...

My post may seem disjoinetd and odd but I am sitting down while putting on my sleeves for may next review. As a writer, press master and crack newsman I need these gators for the forearms.
Thanks for the hedgehog boost, I came home tired and had to rewrite lyics to make JJ happy. I dont want her to be angry and all, then you pull through early with a hedgehog referance. I thank you and I beg the poetic Gods to forgive my presumption of license. JW

10:13 PM

Blogger purplesimon said...

I am so pleased to say this: I have never bought a book from Amazon. I like to buy first editions and stuff like that and I either use a book-finding service in Wales if it's rare or I use a lovely independent bookstore in London. It's called Daunt Books and is on Marylebone High Street, if any one visiting here ever finds themselves near the place.

That's Daunt Books. Lovely people. Go visit them, buy something.

I also love cooking and used to work as a baker and pastry chef back when I left school. Having got out of bed at 2am for months on end for a miserly £2 per hour (about $3?) I realised I'd rather be a poor writer than a poor baker with no friends and even less money.

purplesimon out...

p.s. this means that no one need tag me, I just tell y'all everything you need to know right here.

1:49 AM

Blogger MilkMaid said...

Austin would take your mind off those nasty men that have wandered in and out of your life Ing, that is no doubt. That town is on my very short list of places I'd move to.

You have such a nice belly, the whole thing, not the hole thing. ;-)

4:52 AM


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