This blog is welcome to anyone and everyone, regardless of race, class, gender, sexual orientation, or political affiliation. Unless you don't like writing short stories or smelling bear. Or if you voted for the other guy. Also, I don't really like it when you leave up the toilet seat, so could you stop doing that? Muchas, muchas gracias.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Cartographies of Love

For Jane, and for anyone who's lost in the heart's rough geography, some guidance.


Blogger ginab said...

Not to be funny, but who colored in my heart-shaped ass as a map of the world? I feel a little insulted.

4:52 PM

Blogger ing said...

Don't be insulted that your ass is blue, ginab. It'll revert back to pink if you slap it and call it Sally.

5:03 PM

Blogger J to the fucking C said...

I am love. Did you ever know that?
It's true, look that shit up.

5:49 PM

Blogger wallycrawler said...

Hey the top map looks like a sleep'n cat , cool !

Hey Jesus what gives I didn't get my bike yet ! You got any pull or what ? I'm start'n to wonder ? Get to it pal ! Amen .

7:27 PM

Blogger J to the fucking C said...

Hey man, I'm Jesus not fucking santa claus.

7:34 PM

Blogger Chris Capp said...

I never guessed the terrain of love would be labeled in German. Talk about post-post-modern irony.

Great blog. You know it's a party if JC is here.

- Chris

11:29 PM

Blogger ing said...


Language, man. Mind it in the presence of your children.

By the way, you may not be Santa Claus, but you're some date; thanks for last night. (Are you sure you're a virgin?)

Vaya con Dios.


What? A what'n what?


Post-post modern, actually. The age of irony has been supplanted by the age of ingenuousness.

Party on! Yowser!

12:15 AM

Blogger matty said...

ginab -- I think you're mistaken. That appears to be my ass. Luckily, I am in the habit of slapping it and calling it Sally all the time so it is currently a very hot pink!

jesus -- you cuss like a sailor, oh, but wait --- you walked upon the water.

"...and Jesus was a sailor when he walked upon the water. And, he spent a long time watching from his lonely wooden tower..."

oh, but wait, is that the Bible or Leonard Cohen. I sometimes get them confused.

Still, ing --- could you ask Jesus to fine me a job?

12:33 AM

Blogger ing said...

That was Rapunzel, you silly.

He'll find you a job, or my name's not Sally. I mean, ing -- my name's not ing.


(Don't worry. I'll take care of it.)

So long, Marianne*


*it's time that we began
to laugh and cry and cry and laugh about it all again.

12:45 AM

Blogger lryicsgrl said...

I came here to personally tell you that I am floored, lying on the floor of gratitude, that you would pray.
Lucky for me, you have some pretty influential friends. Maybe those prayers are going to be answered directly. Let me go turn on the News!

Anyway, people I got a laugh here. Thanks.
Especially you, Matt. Jesus or Leonard Cohen.....

BTW, did you know that your heart is as big as your fist? That's why I married a man with big hands.
Look at the hands Ing. Look at their hands.

5:38 AM

Blogger josh williams said...

Big hands, big gloves. My heart is the size of Lance Armstrongs thanks to McDonalds!

6:41 AM

Blogger wallycrawler said...

Hey Look Christ , Satan said he'd get me a Harley ! You want my internal soul or what pal ?

Amen .

Ing : Sorry this guy's start'n to bother me . The map at the top it's shaped like a cat ,
"cute" !

6:45 AM

Blogger ing said...


Okay, I did it, I prayed. If I have any sway, Israel and Palestine are holding an international hoedown in the Gaza, and everyone's swingin' their partners.


Did you just propose to me? I'm blushing!


I was just Josh'n you. You're fun to josh. I'll scrutinize that map -- the cat hasn't emerged for me yet.

Oh, and if Jesus wants your internal soul, can I have the external one? I thought I'd pass it along to Jane, to see if it might make her pills more potent.

You have a good soul, Wally.

8:15 AM

Blogger ginab said...

Very pretty fonts, my dear. Even as I type this here, very nice, curly Sans.

1:33 PM

Blogger josh williams said...

HOw long before its common law when in blog land?

3:04 PM

Blogger ing said...


Thankee. I ironed my font.


How long have I known you? That's how long. It feels like forever, and yet, I wish there were more hours in the day.

My father has given his permission.

4:13 PM

Blogger J to the fucking C said...

Hey I'm sorry but I'm on a warpath tonight.

Is somebody over here talkin' shit?

Dad I hope so.

6:37 PM

Blogger josh williams said...

Cool! I am not sure if I should wear white or just blog that I am wearing white, I'm kinda not that good a telling untruths. (unless I can see some personal gain)
As for hours in the day ? The whole Ben Franklin Daylight savings time? Why not 36 hours in a day and then we would have more time to fix what we fucked up in the previous 24? WWJD?
Kind Regards JW

8:32 PM

Blogger ginab said...

Hey I see the cat, red-lined, near the center,kind of small, it's behind to us, in repose, in the top map.

But Matty, darling, that is my ass unless you're missing an essential part of your being? Nobody hopes for that. Nobody. My blue butt is a mess of border lines.

7:12 AM

Blogger jungle jane said...

funny how the bottom heart is blue. is it mine?

12:46 PM

Blogger josh williams said...

Run for the hills I think I done something soooo wrong!

12:57 PM

Blogger Bill the Apostle said...

Jesus also smells bear at times

1:08 PM

Blogger crabcake said...

Are there any heads over here I can have? I need a big one.

Yours truly,
the crab

1:30 PM

Blogger ing said...

Jesus is on the warpath! Gather your tomahawks!



Depending on your anxiety levels, there might be a great deal of personal gain in wearing white. You'd have a handy excuse.

But can we hold off for a moment? Tonight at 7pm I'm going to see David Foster Wallace, who will be reading from his new collection of essays. Josh, I promised my hand to Mr. Wallace, providing he asked for it, and he just might. Tonight, that is. So don't send out the invitations just yet, and I'll let you know.

Thanks for your Kind understanding & Regards.



As for borders and lines, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. You and Matty are going to have to settle the blue-ass question between yourselves. Let me know how it all turns out, and we'll plant a big old flag.



See ginab and Matty. There's a lot of dispute, and I don't think we can settle this one peacefully, not if we can't figure out what to do in the Middle East.



Wrong-wrong, or like wrong in the eyes of Jesus?


Bill, baby:

Does he now? How interesting. Why don't you slip out of that hat and tell me about it, honeybun.



Jane's head exceeds the frame of her photo. Will that do?

4:04 PM

Blogger ticharu said...

slow bitch groove... I can see why you'd like that. Now I'm really curious to see what you think of 'We Were There'. I just posted it last night. A short piece like slow bitch and totally wacked but not nearly as dancable!

8:44 AM

Blogger josh williams said...

Wrong in like messing with the balance of the universe.

1:42 PM

Blogger Moonpie said...

Hi Ing,
Wow you have connections in very high places.
Just wondering if you know of a band called 'Troll', I heard some this evening and they're cool, they're based in San Francisco, they just made me think of you being from those parts and cause I noticed you have Os Mutantes on you're profile and thats who they remind me of. You can listen to them here; ( I think it was there anyway.)
Also, do you know the name of the Joanna Newsom song about shining a light on all the good stuff from the sixties, it's a great song but I don't know what album it's on. (It could well be called 'shine a light on' cause thats how it goes but I can't find it.) I'm so tired, got to get away from this computer, being sucked in. But hey thats no way to say good bye!
Nashledanou! (thats better.)

3:42 PM

Blogger Bill the Apostle said...

Whats up baby? I'm coming over in about 20. So when I come in through the window try to run and fight a bit, I've got a rag soaked with ether, handcuffs, nipple clamps, a ball gag and plenty of time.

Jesus loves you

3:51 PM

Blogger Satan said...

ing i saw your picture over at jesus christs site and had to stop in

i see that he has been here

look at that shit i am love how desparate and pathetic

when you have some free time i will tell you what i would like to do with you

and it wont require ether

bill you dont even like chicks go hang out with mr crap

wally you know what you need to do for the bike

i have been thinking about it

i think i would like to challenge you to a fiddle playing competition

if you win i give you a harley

if you win i get your soul and i get to nail your wife and yor girlfriend and your ass

you in

5:57 PM

Blogger ing said...


I'll listen to you first, soon (crazy busy, but soon, I promise!)


The universe will take care of itself. It'll just be a new universe. In habited by eyeless mole-people. No big deal. Don't beat yourself up over it.


I think you're talking about The Milk Eyed Mender, yeah? I haven't heard The Trolls but I'll give them a listen.


I'll administer the ether when I'm all through with you, sweets. But (fair warning) I probably won't need it. Unless you're one of those guys who likes to talk and talk and talk and talk and talk.


I said I'd call you, but ho-hum, look at the time. I have to run.

10:37 PM

Blogger ticharu said...

No hurry, I'm justing pointing you to that track in particular.

9:06 AM

Blogger crabcake said...

But Ing, Jane totally doesn't have a chin and she's missing an eyeball. What kind of photo op is that for an artist of my caliber?

I must have big, full, heads. Surely someone could cough one up.

At least gimme a pity head. After all I do have my very own stalker. (he's after my bodacious chesticles. And my vocal chords. The monster!)

C'mon c'mon. Somebody offer up a head will ya?

10:44 AM

Blogger jungle jane said...

Ing, may i please have Satan when you have finished trampling all over his heart? i love a man that wears black.

Crabby i have one word for you and your chinless worries: Photoshop.

11:27 AM

Blogger the original marriedman said...

I need sockless foot.

11:39 AM

Blogger josh williams said...

Thanks ing I think your keen!

12:56 PM

Blogger Moonpie said...

Thanks, Ing
'The book of right on' from The Milk Eyed Mender, got it. It really reminds me of last summer, it took me back to early mornings, when the sun comes up before you've managed to go to bed.

1:59 PM

Blogger ginab said...

Here's my big fat head, any body. Right now tho, which you cannot see, it's covered in chocolate mud. Give it up to the health food store to come up with pleasant smelling mud.

I should apply the chocolate mud to my blue ass. Then, both face and ass would match. Hmm.



4:37 PM

Blogger ginab said...

Err, Twinning

4:38 PM

Blogger ginab said...

On irony, from the Nonist The dirty little secret of the ironist is of course that irony is always parasitic and can exist only by virtue of the earnestness it takes such pleasure in annihilating. Like sentiment, which has been called unearned emotion, the new irony is a form of unearned skepticism. It creates nothing of its own but waits to ambush moral purpose, to play havoc with common sense, to deny reason its moment. The only stand it takes is that there is no stand to be taken, so neither the author nor the audience has to take one.

4:43 PM


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