Online Dating: Angus!
I'm fairly new to the world of dating, but at Matty's suggestion I've decided to try the online version. It's fun to have a date sometimes, it can be good for the self-esteem, and I've met a couple of nice guys along the way. But it's not all roses, this dating thing. I'm 38 years old, and though I think I still look pretty great, I do have to face the fact that there aren't many single men in my age bracket. Still, though, I'd rather be gently turned down than forever dateless.
Well, one day, Match.com sent me an email saying that I had similar interests to this guy, Angus, a 33-year-old landscaper who was looking to date someone between the ages of 25 and 40. I checked out his profile. While I didn't agree that we were a match (Angus's reading tastes were polar opposite to mine, and he wasn't very interested in reading in the first place), I was pretty impressed by the pictures Angus had posted of a garden he'd redone.
I sent Angus a short email telling him that I liked his garden and that I'd transformed a vacant lot into an edible flower garden some years ago. Honest, I did it because I like to encourage people, and I thought Angus deserved a compliment for the work he'd done.
The next day Angus emailed me back. This is what he said:
Thanks for your email. I checked out your profile and you sound like an interesting, complicated, unique, intelligent woman. You do, however, have a lot of competition from the younger ladies who currently are still available to me at my age. As a result, I would be a distracted and innattentive partner. You would not be happy with that. I must conclude that I am not a good match for you at this time therefore I wish you all the best in your pursuit for happiness and success.
Suddenly, I felt OLD. And predatory. A predatory old crone inappropriately chasing after men half my age! Or rather, an old woman who, because she was perusing a dating site at her age, stank of desperation! Which, I don't think that's me at all! But lordy!
Feeling sort of dumb about the whole thing, I forwarded Angus's email to Matty, who made up a reply for me (one that I did not send but that made me laugh). Here's what Matty would have me say to Angus:
Oh, yeah! I'm sorry! I heard several teenage girls talking about how hot that guy from Match is and how they wanted to do him! I now realize that they were talking about you. And, just today I ran into about 30 mid-twenty-something females
who were trying to find a way to contact you so that they might have a shot at bearing your children. How does one cope with being so popular with the girls? I doubt that there is enough of you to go around! As a professional model I was on the phone with Tyra just the other night and we were talking about how damn hot you are. And, to think that I turned down a date with
George Clooney in hopes of meeting you! D'oh! Well, I have to fly to LA this weekend anyway. Maybe he is still available. Tho, I heard he lost his last girl to you. Best wishes and don't forget to wear a condom! We all know you've been getting around. Can't be too careful, Angus!
Anyway, if anyone out there is dating, just take it all with a grain of salt, yeah? Don't be discouraged! It's very difficult to meet someone you truly like, and in order to find that person you'll probably have to go on a lot of dates. So go! You'll make some friends along the way, you'll gain some confidence, and you'll know that you chose to give it a shot instead of waiting for someone to earth you up (which, that doesn't happen). If you choose to ask others out, you're cool and brave.