This blog is welcome to anyone and everyone, regardless of race, class, gender, sexual orientation, or political affiliation. Unless you don't like writing short stories or smelling bear. Or if you voted for the other guy. Also, I don't really like it when you leave up the toilet seat, so could you stop doing that? Muchas, muchas gracias.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Gary Coleman My Future

I once had this vivid dream I was dating Gary Coleman. For those who don't know him, he played Arnold Drummond on this eighties sitcom called Diff'rent Strokes. Coleman's character Arnold was a kid from Harlem adopted -- along with his older brother Willis -- by a caucasian millionaire. Mr. Coleman ran for governor of California in 2003. On October 7th of that same year, he was beaten soundly by Arnold Schwarzenegger. Mr. Coleman, who suffers from some variation of dwarfism, now does commercials for loan companies.

In the dream, I was sitting on a living room couch next to Gary Coleman. We were in my parents' parlor, or at least I understood that we were. This parlor didn't look like any room from my childhood, but it resembled those places: nondescript, quiet, and humbly furnished. My parents were relaxing in matching easy chairs, approvingly watching the two of us, Gary Coleman and me. Because my parents so obviously approved, I was trying very hard to love Mr. Coleman. But I wasn't feelin' it.

Gary Coleman was trying very hard to court me, holding my hands and plying me with small talk. He offered to have his friend, an underwear designer, make me some panties as some sort of engagement present. While he made this proposal, my parents nodded encouragingly. Then he gave me a box wrapped in gold foil paper, tied with a silver gossamer bow. I untied, ripped, and inside the box I found a pair of hideous panties made of snakeskin, leopard, tiger, and all manner of animal skins, awkwardly patched together. As my parents watched, I gave Gary Coleman a big hug & again tried very hard to love him. I remember thinking that maybe I could do it, in time. And then I thought, no, no I can't. Not ever.


Blogger matty said...

Intersting dream.

I wonder if your mind is trying to work thru feelings you have toward someone or something in your life that is a conflict for you.

...or, maybe a cigar is just a cigar. We all want to love Gary, but it just isn't easy.

I used to dream about Mrs. Garrett, but I don't think you would want to know about that!

Found your site after I read your post on Tim's site (Non Stop Tokyo) regarding the Harvey Milk film. Great comment post! That documentary is so very powerful. I was a small kid in Texas when he and the mayor were assisnated. I can remember my parents talking about it and it upset me because I knew I was gay and dreamed of moving here. I must have been about 11 or 12? Not sure of the date.

11:35 AM

Blogger Chuck Dawson said...

I might be able to hook you up!
I'll be right back...

11:37 AM

Blogger Chuck Dawson said...

here you go:
HA! That's the best I can do, sweetie.

11:40 AM

Blogger ginab said...

Whatever bakes your cake, swirls your peas, stabs your night, prods your pulse-zones and G-wiring, bag it. But you must remember what your friend says often: size can make such a difference.

Panties scraped up from hides and skins won't make a picture window of wildlife reclined in harmony given the latest size of your skirt.

Now I'm crying!

11:48 AM

Blogger ing said...


You're very kind to try and set me up, but I'm not looking right now. Thanks for the genuine good intentions, though.

12:17 PM

Blogger ing said...


Don't get me in trouble, ladyfriend. The ones I've bagged I've subsequently left like yesterday's sack lunch.

My derriere will get bigger, you'll see, and I'll curse the day I bought that teeny little pencil skirt. But for now, it fits like it was made just for me. Which is a cause for celebration, si?

12:43 PM

Blogger ginab said...

Si, si, SI, seniorita!

12:51 PM

Blogger ing said...


Oh boy, is my mind trying to work through a conflict. I can't say whether it's feelings about the ex-whatever or parental expectation, or . . .

That documentary IS powerful. I couldn't believe how it transformed 35 scowling undergrads to 10 scowling undergrads, right at midterm. For her final project, one of my students painted a portrait of the Chinese man the canvassers stopped on the street. She, among others, was deeply moved.

What a kind face Harvey Milk had.

12:51 PM

Blogger Chuck Dawson said...

But that's SHAVAR!
Guess I'm just excited about providing something so random for someone.
Did you check out his site?

12:57 PM

Blogger ing said...

Of COURSE I checked out SHAVAR'S site, Chuck. It's really great, I mean it. Thanks.

1:35 PM

Blogger lryicsgrl said...

I'll be back
Walk Under Ladders is my fav.

2:11 PM

Blogger lryicsgrl said...

oh ing, you are a brave girl for posting this dream.
Oh Ginab, don't forget what ever melts your butter.
Really, the mind is a funny thing. Takes us places our physical bodies would NEVER go!
Don't put me on that bridal registry.

Funny you should mention Schwartzenegger (however you spell it), I've had more than one dream about him. I swear, in my waking life, I don't feel any heat from him. Maybe I just had a desire to feel protected. Big, strong terminator looking out for my little behind.
I'll be back (wink)
Hey,we could double date in dreamland ugggh!

4:41 PM

Blogger ginab said...

whatever melts your butter

a flame
a red hot chili pepper
a green chile from Chile
a bright sunny, humid day in July
a certain kind of glance

the butter now is melted, sputtering up in the pan,

'cause I'm a woman


5:33 PM

Blogger crusher said...

Ha! Chuck Dawson would know Shavar.

9:16 PM

Blogger Karen Little said...

Maybe it's the animal in you coming out, maybe your body and mind are subconsciously yearning for a more primitive time, when you covered yourself in a loin-cloth made from animal hides, and had sex whenever the urge overcame you?

What do you lecture?

2:27 AM

Blogger ing said...

I haven't heard that intrepretation yet. Interesante,

The "lecturer" title just means that I'm an adjunct professor -- that is, I teach at universities, but only part-time and on a class-to-class basis. No tenure, no nuthin', but my parents get to brag that I'm a "writing professor." Which is what I teach: writing.

This quarter I just finished up with this class called Power and Representation. It was basically a class for freshmen that introduced them to how to respond in writing and to close read for subtleties.

And I only have a few more papers to grade, then I'm done. Yay!

8:39 AM

Blogger lryicsgrl said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:24 AM

Blogger ing said...

It's so odd how our dreams play matchmaker. The pimply-owl-guy, the one I told you about? I'll never forget him now that I've dreamed about him. He's like an ex-lover now, and I'm sure he has no idea. I wish I could reunite with all the men I've dreamed. You'd like them, lzygrl. 50% unsuitable, 50% hot, all attractive in some meaningful way. And since they're just dreams, your husband won't mind.

12:32 PM

Blogger Omar said...

Hey, I know Shavar!

1:27 PM

Blogger SuperAmanda said...

Gary is amazing, he's sold his body, taught us how to get quick $$$ he just rocks but is he due for a makeover? Hmmm what would it be?

6:57 PM

Blogger lryicsgrl said...

oh ing, another blogland coincidence.
went over to dan i's blog.
guess what?
he has got a pic of his dad with schwartzenegger.
first joan a. now arnold.
think someone is reading our convos? ha ha
sorry for the delete.
i felt weird.
it happens.

7:55 PM

Blogger ing said...

Gary needs a really good facial, I'd say, don't you think, Ms. Super?

Lzy: I've been noticing lots of coincidences in blogland. Which should be called brainland. All these images, verbal and visual, are starting to come together.

8:07 PM

Blogger ing said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:15 PM

Blogger lryicsgrl said...

hey ing,
i posted a joan song over on ginab's.
see if it is familiar to you.

how about power of suggestion for a dream tonight. think, george clooney or a loyal brad pitt or james dean, someone else besides, gary.
if I DREAM of him, i'm coming to get you. ha ha

8:28 PM

Blogger Tim Jousma said...

sometimes dreams mean something and sometimes they're just reactions to the food we ate that day.
Maybe this was the latter. (kidding)

11:51 PM

Blogger JackJumpedOverTheMoon said...


Wow, not only do you have Chuck Dawson posting on your blog now, you have all his friends too. :p

Very interesting...

What qualities do you see in Gary that you have found yourself attracted to in past boyfriends? Perhaps your brain is trying to tell you what qualities are not good enough criteria for marrying a man. (Like a willingness to buy exotic underwear? :p)


12:20 AM

Blogger Chester Shunt said...

as you know, I am the personal assistant and counsel to the Dawson Family. Family business is family business and not for comment forums. Any further discussion will have to take place over secure lines.

8:33 AM

Blogger lryicsgrl said...

had dream about Pete Townshend.
dunno how that happend?
enjoy your day!

9:27 AM

Blogger ing said...


My parents are worried about my financial stability, as I've chosen a career that I absolutely love instead of a career that pays more than enough to merely scrape by -- that my parents would choose a wealthy man for me is the most veritable aspect of this dream. Maybe Gary represents a career change and the panties a small business venture? (I often dream of starting a small business but my ideas seem unsuitable and impractical.)

In terms of dating men, I've never cared a whit how much or how little a man rakes in. Being newly single, I haven't really figured out what I'm looking for. What qualities do you seek, Jack?

1:57 PM

Blogger JackJumpedOverTheMoon said...



Like everyone always answers: a sense of humor. Lots of patience, cause I am an artsy-fartsy and sometimes behave like it. :)

Intelligence is probably the most important quality for me, though. I really like a man that can keep one step ahead of me, but on the other side I'm a fast learner so he can't be a one trick pony. He has to be continuously learning as well. I like someone I can't predict in conversation.

Not much to ask is it? Har har... :D

Thanks for stopping by the Jazzblog, ing, I'm going to try and clear up some of the musical theory side of things for people as well... it had occured to me that some might "not know their arse from their elbow" musically. I'll see how well I can explain it!


4:29 PM

Blogger lryicsgrl said...

Girl, you are crazy!
I am subjected to much of Missy Elliots prose.
Answer to your question.
Yes, I played all my music for my girls.
And, No, they don't really like it.
For some unknown reason, all of us find Nick Lachey cute. well, he does have blue eyes and a rather pronounced nose. ummmm
Maybe they like Nick & Jessica, for the same reason I liked the Patridge Family & The Monkees.
Anyway, I try to let my kids be who they are. But boy do we have problems on long car rides. Even with dvd players & ipods. So much dissention about THE MUSIC.
Bob Marley is usually the only thing we agree on. His vision of reggae soothes all our souls.

Sweet dreams!

Oh by the way, my maternal grandma always said, "you can love a rich man as much as you can love a poor man."

5:09 PM

Blogger MsAmber said...

I looked for a guy who was everything I am not, and will never let me down.
I've never gotten the hang of that old "forgiveness" thing.
I've got a good husband. We are great friends, and we each have our own interests.
He's great with the bookkeeping, too.
That's an admirable quality.

7:05 PM

Blogger Chuck Dawson said...

Chuck Dawson.

11:03 PM

Blogger ing said...


Whenever you give me that pretty little pout, I have to shout right out.

11:54 PM

Blogger ing said...

Ms. Amber:

Hey there. You're a good egg, you know that?

3:51 PM


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